tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25255309030943621312024-02-02T13:36:34.838-08:00Rhan's Blog SpotRhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-27597841474241730662019-01-08T21:43:00.001-08:002019-01-08T21:43:36.295-08:00Does Kevin Have Heart
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8LoZyFmbea9XBvOfzECzr-C2F45zzgGFF_7fYDME_q2Al84Qkyf_Jf1vL5V1r0iwO2Kv92I8O5YpfTD8Yd6XQwU8iO5gVLK2a2U1VvnN3soICGBrFzM9cg4O8B9W1usR4PQRphzmqmwIG/s1600/LGBTQ+Heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="212" data-original-width="204" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8LoZyFmbea9XBvOfzECzr-C2F45zzgGFF_7fYDME_q2Al84Qkyf_Jf1vL5V1r0iwO2Kv92I8O5YpfTD8Yd6XQwU8iO5gVLK2a2U1VvnN3soICGBrFzM9cg4O8B9W1usR4PQRphzmqmwIG/s200/LGBTQ+Heart.jpg" width="192" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A few weeks ago Kevin Hart was asked to be the 2019 host of
the Oscars.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>However, shortly after his
invitation several “comedic” tweets that were made approximately 10 years ago
surfaced.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>It is at this time that the
Academy added a stipulation for his hosting invitation.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Kevin would have to apologize for the
tweets.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>This request started a firestorm
frenzy because Kevin noted that he had apologized and would not apologize again.
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Many people in the black community did not see what the
issue was since Kevin has “apologized”.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>In the eyes of many in the black community; this was just another
example of white people trying to take a popular, loved and powerful black man
down.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>It is at this point that I began
investigating for myself.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Where was the
apology that was made a few years ago?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I
really wanted to see it.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>As the weeks
went by this allusive apology never seemed to surface.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>This became problematic for me.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Honestly I did not understand what the big
deal would be for Kevin to just simply apologize.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>However, since I wasn’t the one being asked
to kiss the proverbial ring of the gay white mafia, the presumed culprits for bringing the pressure on the Academy to insist on an apology. In a strange way, I could understand the male
determination to not bend.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Kevin was recently a guest on Ellen DeGeneres Show where this was the topic
of conversation. Ellen, a white lesbian, was extending her support and power to bring this issue to bed.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>During that program Kevin decided to plead
his case and apologize.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>He stated “If I
hurt or offended anyone…”<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>This was a
half ass apology.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>When you apologize
in sincerity you do not begin it with “If”.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>You know you hurt those in the LGBTQ community so why the “if”
part.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>It simply devalues everything that
you say after it.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Ellen, got a lot of
heat for supporting Kevin.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>She also was
unaware how these comments impacted the black and brown gay communities.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Therefore, black gays completely discredited his
opinions.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Black LGBTQ people are being
murdered and assaulted at much higher rates than our white counterparts.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>His “jokes” simply give license and
permission to devalue and abuse those in the black LGBTQ communities.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Don Lemon (CNN) reached out to Kevin noting that this has not been
a real apology.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>So, today on his Sirrius XM radio program Kevin provided a FULL apology.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>He stated that he realizes that he has hurt many in the LGBTQ community
with his words.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>He noted that he has
grown and I appreciate his ability to do so on his own terms.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Don suggested to Kevin that he should become become a
LGBTQ advocate/ally, however, Kevin had no desire to do so.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I think that is a great decision because his
initial “apology yet non-apology” has done a little bit more damage than he can
imagine.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Accepting him as a
spokesperson/advocate would not be something that the community could deal
with.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I have friends that still think his most
recent apology was less than genuine.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I
think at this time he has lost some previous supporters because he was so
unwilling to come out and sincerely apologize when this hit the fan.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>While I appreciate his apology it is the
right thing done much too late.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>It
appears that it was done with a bit of contention.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">I want to believe that Kevin is a better man for
this experience I am not sure if that is the case.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I hope that a valuable lesson was learned by
Kevin once the dust settles.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>One where
he appreciates the value of the black LGBTQ community.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>We are not monolithic and many of the
responses of my friends ran from burn him at the stake in the town square to
who really cares when other black comedians have said the same or worse.</span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-53571608635346367742018-07-05T15:24:00.001-07:002018-07-05T20:46:43.593-07:00Like Sand Through My Fingers<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1YHYB1QOM31k7ou3ZNFDhuDkLZVrczPJ2ovXsKC9CFYj0YsnmeFpQakn6nr0fN-Ley77QRE0pkIOHqUeKG1n7GUViMZ5vHHpcHweZGvm79HzzT9FH_w4QyNPsoOMSGrJHzvGQ52xMrsxY/s1600/hands-holding-sand-dark-background-260nw-771798844.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="280" data-original-width="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1YHYB1QOM31k7ou3ZNFDhuDkLZVrczPJ2ovXsKC9CFYj0YsnmeFpQakn6nr0fN-Ley77QRE0pkIOHqUeKG1n7GUViMZ5vHHpcHweZGvm79HzzT9FH_w4QyNPsoOMSGrJHzvGQ52xMrsxY/s1600/hands-holding-sand-dark-background-260nw-771798844.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Here I sit a 58-year-old black gay man wondering about my
personal life and what is in store for me in the years ahead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life
has afforded me quite a few nice things and all have been blessings. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never pictured myself at this age single
with no real prospects of a serious relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have often been asked if I would get
married and my answer is always in the affirmative.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
not as if I am new to the experience of living with and loving someone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I fell in love at 18 years old and we were
together for the next 19 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was wonderful,
but we grew apart and neither one of us had the tools to fix what was broken, unfortunately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">This morning I awoke to a video on Facebook to see that an
associate was proposed to yesterday evening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While in my heart and soul I am truly happy for him there is a part of
me that says why can’t that be me also.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
have loved men after ending my 19-year relationship but unfortunately, they did
not last for various reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, seeing
this I decided to find a therapist because I wanted to fix the part of me that
was contributing to the demise of these previous relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is not my goal to be married it is my goal
to have a loving relationship and if that develops into marriage which we both
want that would be nice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I have had a long-term relationship I
know that being in relations with someone is a 24/7 all in “job”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">So where do I start?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I truly want my partner to be of African heritage and that seems to be a
struggle within itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of my
fellow same gender loving black men have a very different view of being in a
relationship or relationships in general. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The partnership and growing together seems to
be rather foreign to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has been
my experience and I can only speak to that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am sure that gay men in other cultures have dealt with some of the
same things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know there are some
amazing guys out there and I am not looking to hog tie one and force him into a
relationship but the prospect of meeting someone that has the desire to DATE
would be great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Don’t get me wrong, I am not looking at marriage as the end
to all that is wrong with my person al life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think that for some time I had bought into the social media marriage
pictorials.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I see the beautiful pictures
what is not shared are the issues that each relationship encounters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is easy to fall in love with the image/story
that is being displayed which in most cases is a fallacy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have seen several relationships simply dissolve
even those just a few weeks or months prior where photos of the happy
couple/family were shared. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to revert to the
old saying of “everything is never as it seems”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I am not giving up on the idea of a loving relationship in
my future and will always be open to the possibility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I have made peace that this may not
be a part of my future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Making peace with
my current relationship status does not mean that I do not feel left out when I
see my friends and associates finding love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, there are times in the stillness of my thoughts I wonder, has he slipped through my fingers like a million grains of sand?. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-71327451193013253832018-05-02T10:43:00.003-07:002018-05-02T10:43:31.683-07:00African American Museum Experience<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0NOkikgooQ0AxJPUHOe0lH7SpgmZ4EqRRsKgWQRhSs05TIxTNeFlJ3T-DYOtTYPmH6h7AaPHiLdcg7A8ydddBiUJyR-Eywb9wSNKzVTE2gaTD7hTLIZdcAXk1FvezCgMAb6PyRHl4i0i6/s1600/AA+Museum.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="714" data-original-width="960" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0NOkikgooQ0AxJPUHOe0lH7SpgmZ4EqRRsKgWQRhSs05TIxTNeFlJ3T-DYOtTYPmH6h7AaPHiLdcg7A8ydddBiUJyR-Eywb9wSNKzVTE2gaTD7hTLIZdcAXk1FvezCgMAb6PyRHl4i0i6/s200/AA+Museum.png" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On Saturday, April 28<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>, I had the honor and privilege
to travel to Washington DC and visit the National Museum of African American History
and Culture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The museum is absolutely
amazing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It left me with a sense of
pride and admiration for my ancestors that endured the evils of slavery, Jim
Crow, and all the other things that were built to break up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, here I sit as a testament of the strength
and resolve of those courageous men and women.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There were several times during the being of the tour where I felt like
crying because the treatment that was trust upon them was inhumane at
best.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I must applaud the person(s) that designed the museum the
layout was superb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you enter there
is a massive entry way on the main floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You can start your tour upstairs which houses more of the cultural item
or downstairs which tells the 400 years of slavery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I chose to start downstairs at the beginning
(slavery history).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are four below
ground levels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I made my way through the
exhibits I noticed that there was a docent speaking to a small group of visitors,
therefore, I stopped and listened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
was this wall that listed that names of the slave ships that captured the
12,500,000 Africans to transported as free labor…slaves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Next
to the names of the ships there was a set of numbers with a numerator and denominator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The numerator indicated number of Africans
that were placed on the ship and the denominator indicated those that made it once
the ship reached its destination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
docent pointed to one ship which had 237/70.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This means that 167 Africans died after being captured and placed on this
ship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once you look at the wall and understand the
gravity of the situation it is a bit overwhelming to even think about and this
was just the being of what would be a horrid existence for these Africans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of the 12.5 Million Africans only 400,000
were brought to North America, however, 4,000,000 were brought to Brazil.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The museum moves along chronologically, and
you can see the progression of slavery and how we endured through the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Several people who visited before me noted that they did not
see any LGBT references.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be honest I
am torn as to whether it is necessary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
can make an argument for either, but I was not upset that there were not
visible references to the LGBT community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The above ground portion of the museum was nice but not as fascinating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This may be due to my interest in that part
of our history.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lot of the cultural items
I had lived through. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Many black people are afraid or apprehensive to learn and
embrace the full history of our people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, it is my belief that you do yourself and your lineage a
disservice by not embracing the discomfort you feel regarding our history.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your discomfort pales in comparison to what our
ancestors had to endure so suck it up and learn all your history. Every person and especially every black person should visit this museum, if possible. </span></div>
Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-74947170796467247432018-01-22T10:24:00.000-08:002018-01-22T10:24:58.651-08:00Call Me by Your Name<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZU6y7q2lAVBj_vZfgWRmgY8bVyJZDY9yvagi54-oHvoqBT-9JdoJaLevAKBe2y-2Xrt1FA9aHGae85_mecsBNnRN2EkYVznvTHfTQffxVi4lTrDd6RgQy40_-KdQd1_NhWeWOoY1yCR5s/s1600/call+me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="473" data-original-width="316" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZU6y7q2lAVBj_vZfgWRmgY8bVyJZDY9yvagi54-oHvoqBT-9JdoJaLevAKBe2y-2Xrt1FA9aHGae85_mecsBNnRN2EkYVznvTHfTQffxVi4lTrDd6RgQy40_-KdQd1_NhWeWOoY1yCR5s/s200/call+me.jpg" width="133" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Yesterday, I had the pleasure of seeing the critically acclaimed
independent film entitled <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Call Me by Your
Name</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This movie is billed as a
coming of age story about a young boy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
a Black gay man I am always interested in seeing movies with a gay theme.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also a couple of friends told me how the film
touched them deeply so this heightened my interest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By it being an independent film the release
was not as wide as a normal high budget Hollywood backed film, however, this
week it made it to a theatre that was relatively close to my home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A friend reached out to me and asked if I
wanted to accompany him to view the film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I honestly had not expectations or preconceived notions prior
to purchasing my ticket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love
independent films because they are typically so well done on smaller
budgets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They truly live up to the
phrase “do less with more”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Elio is a 17 year old boy living with his parents in Italy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oliver comes to Italy for 6 weeks to work as
Elio father’s research assistant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Elio
becomes enamored with Oliver.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oliver
being American has a different attitude about everyday life and seems to come
off as arrogant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Elio believes that
Oliver doesn’t like him only to realize through conversation that he does think
kindly of him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After they divulge their
interest in each other there are some interesting and tender moments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My only issue with the film is the age
difference of these two main characters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Maybe this is exposing my prude nature but to have a 17 year old boy romantically
involved with a man clearly much older seems to me to be inappropriate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It did not help either that Elio is such a
frail physical frame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For me the age of consent
is 18 and not 17.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I see this and
I have seen it in other gay films I immediately ask myself “Would the film
going community think this was okay if Elio was Eliza?” Also, do we just accept
this because gay men are already viewed as highly sexual individuals and
therefore it is okay?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cannot
remember seeing a film in recent years of a young girl of 17 involved with a
clearly older adult man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now let me say
I honestly don’t look at heterosexual situations with much interest so I may
have overlooked it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I am wrong I
stand corrected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, if I am
correct what does that say about us in this age of “acceptance”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clearly there is a prejudice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Overall, the cinematography was amazing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I enjoyed the film and it was very
touching.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Towards the end after Oliver
returns to the states Elio is clearly heartbroken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He walks into his father’s study and they
begin to talk about life and he lets his son know that he was aware of his love
for Oliver as well as the pain he is experiencing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that every gay child on this earth
wished they could have had that kind of conversation with their parent at the
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While Elio has had this very adult
experience he is still a boy and the pain is incredible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fact that they had this conversation be
with his father was writing genius for we do not give fathers enough credit for
nurturing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The father tells Elio, not
worded exactly but…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The pain you feel,
deal with it and allow it to heal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t
pluck it out and throw it away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We often
do that with hurt that by the time we are thirty years old we have nothing left
to give someone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>Those lines resonated
with me because I can say that I have met men who are so hard and unwilling to
be vulnerable because they fear being hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is what we are taught as men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just suck it up and don’t allow anyone to hurt you again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, in the process you shut everyone out
and finding love with a closed heart if impossible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I
have to also admit to some degree I have been that guy with the guarded
heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thankfully I he is not a part of
me today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Some of us may be compelled to compare it to Moonlight,
which won best picture in 2017 at the Oscars, based on subject matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, these are two totally different
films and wonderful in their own right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even
though I had the issue with the age disparity I do recommend this film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope you enjoy it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-55125970073702739492018-01-16T15:01:00.002-08:002018-01-16T15:01:25.229-08:00The Death Of A Friendship, Not A Friend<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic0ZzUb3fsylRlhfTYrYi904VsxwXHgqGgvw3r2dg6YSuHEHijeDJ8ckqdCv8tcJzttm2UK8YU-lXiYZTJFd_WzybOA62JUGGxvh3VkzY6IC7SpWhh-geeF0ge4kH-GthZtSO1IF8bYA4J/s1600/Friend.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="349" data-original-width="620" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic0ZzUb3fsylRlhfTYrYi904VsxwXHgqGgvw3r2dg6YSuHEHijeDJ8ckqdCv8tcJzttm2UK8YU-lXiYZTJFd_WzybOA62JUGGxvh3VkzY6IC7SpWhh-geeF0ge4kH-GthZtSO1IF8bYA4J/s200/Friend.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">What do you do when a friend stops calling?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Losing a valued friendship can be hard and I
don’t mean loss in the terms of death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
mean loss in the terms communication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Seasons change and you just naturally expect your valued friends to be
there to some degree until one of us is called home to be with the Lord.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I have learned that this is not
always the case.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">K.D. and I were pretty good friends and I really cared about
his well-being. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He and I met through
Yahoo 360 which was a blogging site that is no longer active.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We hit is off and although he lived in Ohio
we hit is off and built a friendship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
time went on he came to Chicago to visit one holiday weekend and I knew I had
added a friend to my short roster of friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You see I do not believe in having a gaggle of friends for that has
never served me well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Associates, yes
but not friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He and I would talk
about everything, yet nothing at times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At times our conversations consisted of me providing support and/or
advice about his current love interest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After several years of friendship our communication started to wane but
that was okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every friendship has its
hills and valleys so I was okay with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">About a year later the relationship picks back up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has moved back to Ohio after a short stint
in Georgia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After getting back home we
would talk quite often and picked right back up where we were a year ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As we continued to have fun loving
conversation I noticed that I was really there to listen to his love life
issues, however, he would never ask about my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This one particular evening that I remember
vividly I was leaving the barbershop and I gave him a call in route to my
destination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The conversation went as it
usually did then he stated “So how are you”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had enough of this one sided thing and responded “I would tell you if
I thought you cared”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I meant every
word and syllable in that sentence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After that conversation our relationship was gone for about 3 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I cannot remember who made the first move to rekindle the
friendship but I was happy to have my friend back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talked through what had happened
previously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We exchanged apologies and we moved on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That brings us 2016.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The friendship was going okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was never as strong as it had been but I
was okay with that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In latter 2017, we
did not talk as much but that was cool then I decided I would reach out to him
after a noticeable absence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After
confronting him on social media about the lack of returned phone calls I was
told “Oh you know I have had a lot going on but I will call you”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That phone call was not received and I just
chalked it up to being busy so several months later I approached him again only
to get the same response.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I finally had
to bury what I thought was a good friendship with a very good person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I have no doubt that K.D. is a good
person, however, I had to realize that he no longer valued our friendship as I
had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hey maybe he never valued it as I
had and that I had to deal with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I truly cared for him as my friend and honestly was invested
in his well-being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I had to let
go and quit hoping that things would turn around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some people just do not have the capacity and
or desire to continue on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Seasons change and end and so do friendships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have had to mourn the death of my friendship
with K.D. as well as let go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I walk
into 2018 I have one less friend but I am more self-aware. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-67697883727450368892018-01-08T13:11:00.000-08:002018-01-08T13:35:37.180-08:00Oprah for President, Wait Not So Fast<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy7UGdruKcawD-8fva8VAZR37fWudJOY4Oa7wrq1iCNvpoZtGu_H2Hv3lXUmJZA9YjeFDH9SUtRc33vO7NoIU1thI6iXAQYXfUl_MZRGygc3O_CvQ9lNccfsxbtsoC_Q7ikSjWbg69dXcZ/s1600/Oprah.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="630" data-original-width="630" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy7UGdruKcawD-8fva8VAZR37fWudJOY4Oa7wrq1iCNvpoZtGu_H2Hv3lXUmJZA9YjeFDH9SUtRc33vO7NoIU1thI6iXAQYXfUl_MZRGygc3O_CvQ9lNccfsxbtsoC_Q7ikSjWbg69dXcZ/s200/Oprah.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
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Last night Oprah made a moving and powerful acceptance
speech as she was receiving her Cecile B, DeMille award at the 75<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>
annual Golden Globes Awards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oprah has
never failed us for she is a great orator and quite intelligent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She did not become a billionaire by being
mediocre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oprah has always been a force
for just her mention or endorsement can move any of people mostly women to
support simply on her word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Several
years ago there was a phrase, the Oprah effect that was coined to address this phenomenon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With just one mention from Oprah could take a
company from mere obscurity to global recognition. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oprah
can impact and make more changes to improve the world as a private citizen than
as a president.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></div>
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After her soul stirring speech last night, many people have
been hinting that she should run for president of the United States in
2020.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While she is stating that is not
her desire John/Jane Q. Public is not having it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They want her to run.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This unyielding desire to have her on the
2020 ballot has a lot to do with this countries disheartening feeling about the
man that currently sits in the White House today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have been inundated with daily craziness
and the people of this country want to change that by soliciting someone very
familiar, loved, intelligent and caring…Oprah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While I simply love her and hang on to most words that come from her
lips I do not feel that president of the United States should be in her future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This country needs to have someone that know
politics and the political structure and process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A political background is needed to understand
the process to be completely successful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While many of you will say that she can surround herself with
intelligent people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, lack of
experience for herself would be deterrent to effectiveness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></div>
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One thing that has not been mentioned is the issue of
support from the Black community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now
let’s be honest, some in the Black community will not support her because they
do not like that fact that her base support is from Caucasian women. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can hear it now….”I wouldn’t vote for Oprah
because she thinks she is white”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a
race of people we want to call you ours and that is not possible if you’re
always with elbowing with white folks. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We always want to hold people to a litmus test
to determine just how black you really are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes this is some of the most asinine
shit I have ever heard but some of us do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s not forget how much we
celebrated Barack Obama on November 4, 2008, however, that celebration did not
last long for we wanted him to want into the oval office and fix the ills of
the black communities across this nation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Once we determined that we had to share him with the rest of the country
we were a little pissed and he was not doing things to “fix us”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mind you these were issues that had been in
these communities for many years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His biggest
critics were from those within the Black community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While Oprah is loved today the winds of
celebration will turn quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-size: small;">It is time for this country to get back to
basics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get a candidate that has been
shaped and molded by the experience of being a politician.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not mean any disrespect to Oprah but
choosing her to be our 2020 candidate would be taking the easy way out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Raise up a candidate that we all can believe
in and get behind and our voices and actions can be strong enough to pull him/her over
the finish line.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have faith in us but
we have to stop trying to do it the easy way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As my father once told me “nothing worth having is easy”.</span></span></div>
</span><br />
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Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-36324985018032774702018-01-02T10:26:00.002-08:002018-01-02T10:26:54.362-08:00Reflections - 2017
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkkEnaU6y1T7QB6gZDsqy1K515E1Ko5sL8KdBvkhBzAYG7QvYor6XCbfrNt1fEbI7rvRbceNF6hh57sTRwddR-qR5dscCkfzNt1cmS_ZNAGwXiSgozKLywtBUESi3IngPBI0UQ7HRld-4e/s1600/relection.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="181" data-original-width="312" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkkEnaU6y1T7QB6gZDsqy1K515E1Ko5sL8KdBvkhBzAYG7QvYor6XCbfrNt1fEbI7rvRbceNF6hh57sTRwddR-qR5dscCkfzNt1cmS_ZNAGwXiSgozKLywtBUESi3IngPBI0UQ7HRld-4e/s1600/relection.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2017 was a very good year for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Personal growth was something I asked for and
I received that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now it has not been a
painless process but here I stand today a bit wiser, stronger and more
aware.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Where do I begin?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
are a couple of things that immediately come to mind when I think of 2017.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On February 10<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> I received a call
around 7:00 am informing me that my ex-partner and best friend had just been
rushed to the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In that moment I
wanted to stay calm and reassure his sister that everything was going to be
okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Robert was going to make it
through this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I hung up the phone I
began to pray.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Later that evening I went
to the hospital to visit Robert and what I saw made my heart drop. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was hooked up to multiple machines and
currently unconscious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now this was not
my first time dealing with death of a close loved one, however, never to this
degree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took a deep breath and entered
the room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many things happen in the
moment and they do not become clear until after you have emotionally settled
down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here was this man I had known and
loved since I was 18 years old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our lives
were entwined for 38 years. The first 19 of which was as his partner and the
last 19 as best friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept the
faith but it did not look good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
prayer was specific.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked God to take
him if he could not restore him to at least 90% of the capacity that he was
prior to the 10<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On
February 14<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> I received a text message from Keith (Robert’s
ex-partner after our relationship) stating that when I got to the hospital that
evening I should play some gospel music for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That evening after getting home I had decided
that I was not going to drive to the hospital after working all day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Robert was stable and nothing had really
changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, as I was standing in my
kitchen the voice of God said to me “you need to go to the hospital now”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have heard this voice a few times I my life
and each time it was necessary to listen and do as instructed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did go to visit him and sat and talked with
him for about an hour. While he was still unconscious I wanted him to know that
I was there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The following day at about
10:15 am I got a text from his niece telling me that they had just received a
call from the hospital noting that there had been a change and they needed to
get there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At approximately 2:37 pm I
was notified that Robert had made his transition. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took solace in knowing that God answered my
prayers and Robert was no longer struggling and suffering anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His
death has been painful on another level than that which I felt when my father
and sister passed away but I am at peace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At the end of 2015 I began counselling for several
reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of which was to discover
what was I doing wrong for my relationships were not sustaining.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What could I do better and different to make
them work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyone who has been in a
relationship knows that loving someone is never an easy task.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are many challenges in trying to make
it work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I set off on this self-discovery
journey with no road map.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just wanted
it to allow myself to be open to the process and willing to hear all the good,
bad and ugly about Ronald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Facing it was
the only way to change it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned
some very interesting things about myself that I did not recognize.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Currently, I am working daily to ensure that
when I see the old me surfacing I try to recognize it and talk to myself about
what I have learned to do instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do
not every think I will be totally changed but those things that I recognize I
am changing or have already changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
is comforting to hear your friends say “you have changed”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even my ex noticed by saying “you are so
different”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That one hit me and I asked
him to expound to which he replied “you are stronger” than when we dated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I did not tell him was that he was one
of sparks that caused me to attend counselling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I highly recommend counselling but you have to find a good therapist
which can be difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I as fortunate
to find the person I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He came along
just when I needed him and did not even know it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is good to sit on the back end of 2017 and say to
yourself that you live a good life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
cousin gave me a dose of reality one day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I posted on FB something about those that “have” (privileged lives and
lifestyles) and how I wished that I was one them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well my cousin responded back to say that
there are people that see me as one of the “haves” because I am always sitting
in an airport flying off somewhere and at that moment I was shocked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She made a very valid point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I have presented to the world is a very
comfortable life and that it is but I never really recognized just how
comfortable my life has been.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like
most of us deal with debt and struggles but the reality of the situation is
that I life a good life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not extravagant
or perfect but it is pretty darn good and I realize that I am blessed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I did not do any major travel this year instead I stayed
stateside and traveled to check on my friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was diagnosed with cancer earlier in the year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Actually he was the third person close to me
that was diagnosed this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
response to that was that I have decided to capture life and not put off some things
I had initially started to do later in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This was a clear sign to me to shift my focus.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Earlier in 2017 I went with a coworker to be in the audience
of a television program (Windy City Live) here in Chicago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We knew that the two lead actors from Power
(Starz Network) was going to be the quest so we were able to get tickets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were doing two shows that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The actors from Power would be the live show
and they were taping a show to appear the following day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, the taped show included a card
reader.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was taking questions from
the audience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, only women were
asking the questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So one of the
cohost noted the he wanted a question from a man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked and me and so I stood and asked “Will
I get married this year (2017)?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
responded that I would get married by the end of the year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well 2017 has ended and I am not married…LOL.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did not take it serious…kind of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it would have been cool if I had even met
someone that was serious about dating but that did not happen either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good thing I did not pay for her reading.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would have been a bit upset.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is always good to look back and take inventory of your
life from time to time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do so at
various times throughout the year but definitely at the end of each year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reflection can be beneficial for it lets you
see what blessing were bestowed upon up as well as hurdles you have
encountered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hopefully the hurdles
allowed you to recognize that God has always remained by your side as you
pushed through.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I walk into 2018 with tiptoe expectations of what this year
will bring me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that God has some
amazing things in store for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-28306038302371809422017-01-10T22:36:00.000-08:002017-01-10T23:02:10.829-08:00Kim Burrell - The Uncomfortable Applause<br>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><img alt="Image result for congregation clipart" src="http://images.clipartpanda.com/african-american-religious-christmas-clipart-b583ae2cbad30acfb3632524511a46b6.jpg" height="200" width="185"></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">As a young boy growing up it was a requirement by my dad
that all of his five children attend Sunday morning church service.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">As a single parent there were things that
my dad required and attending church was on the top of the list.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">I enjoyed going to church as a boy for that
was where I got to be with my maternal grandmother.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Big
Mama was nurturing, loving and strong and I would fall asleep on her lap every
Sunday.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">The black Baptist church
experience was amazing for it was where I fell in love with Christ.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">However, as I got older I would hear various
sermons, some more resonant in my memory than others.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">I can’t remember when I heard my first sermon
regarding what the ministers had determined as the ultimate sin,
homosexuality.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">As I got older and
entered my teenage years I understood that these sermons were about me and how
I felt for I began to discover that I was definitely not attracted to
women.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">My attention and affection was
truly focused on the male species.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">That
time of my life was very confusing and difficult for I knew what I felt and it
truly did not agree with what I was being taught.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">God and I had many conversations about my
feelings and he did not seem fit to “fix” me.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">My teenage years were rough and life did not get any easier.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">This struggle was real and I honestly saw no
way to make my life better and contemplated ending it.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Not sure how I was going to do that but it was
a thought on a few occasions. </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span></div><div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">As I got older I had to come to the realization that if I was created by God in his image then he knew me and made me as I wanted. While I had to listen to some family members that did not agree with my sexuality I made the conscious decision to trust God and live as he had made me. Once I made that choice, not easy, then I decided to go back to church but to one that did not use the pulpit to abuse you. </div>
<br>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">A few days ago after hearing this sermon all those difficult
nights of self-doubt and confusion seemed to flood my memories.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Once I
heard about Kim Burrell’s demonstrative sermon I refused to give it any credit
or exposure to the same old shit I have been hearing most of my life.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">However, upon seeing the sermon and hearing
the cheers and applause of those in attendance I began to think of how many people were in
attendance that were like me.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Feeling
totally ignored by God and misunderstood and told that they are surely going to
hell for being who God made them to be.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Where does someone like that turn?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Who is going to love that young boy or girl without judgement to make them
really feel special?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">We will never know the long lasting internal
emotional scars and lifelong damage those words will make on those struggling.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Will some of these individuals grow up to
embrace all of who they are or will they go off to find ways to hide their
sexuality by “adopting” to societal norms and pressure to appear to be
heterosexual and living a life full of duplicity.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span></div>
<br>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I’ve wondered why ministers spew such hatred.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Why is safe sex relationships the only sin
that gets major attention and such rousing support from so many in the
church?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Have we in the LGBTQ communities
made it very easy to be the Christian punching bag?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">As these sermons are preached to such
support the musical department of the church is being led by a gay man and
those wonderful tenor voices are those of gay men.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">We have been so conditioned to feel that this
our lives have no value that we clap, sing and cheer.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span></div>
<br>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I think that some of the blame, if you will, can go to those
LGBT individuals that sit is silence while the church continues to use the
pulpit as a weapon.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">It is amazing how some in LGBT community have
come to Kim Burrell’s support.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Honestly
at some point we have to understand the damage that is being done not only on
this issue but several others that have been used to keep people in “their
place”.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">No one can convince me that this
is of God.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">The church has used the
pulpit as a whipping post to damage so many people and at some point this has
to stop.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">I hope that the backlash that
Kim Burrell has received is a testament that change in attitudes is on the
horizon.</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-46581856238587285962016-07-06T22:29:00.000-07:002016-07-07T09:49:09.565-07:00Wendy Williams = Ignorance<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6D925i061KYyZKdwARinKYUnxQ-SsLCDy52_tBYRF45D39G0ygMydjU4eVDu-9mQjrkS2ei7Ld-8mLoQy6qkwjv7E0-H8m32GVsb5YM31g5GnZvedY5VkR_tgFATSFtr2GhV2bKNPWhG-/s1600/Ignorance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6D925i061KYyZKdwARinKYUnxQ-SsLCDy52_tBYRF45D39G0ygMydjU4eVDu-9mQjrkS2ei7Ld-8mLoQy6qkwjv7E0-H8m32GVsb5YM31g5GnZvedY5VkR_tgFATSFtr2GhV2bKNPWhG-/s200/Ignorance.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Today in the “<i>Did T</i><i>his Heffa Really Just Say That?</i>”category, I read an article and watch a video reported on The Grio of talk show host, Wendy Williams. She does a special segment of her talk show
called “Hot topics” where she talks about current pop culture news items. She has a reputation for being over the top
and makes comments generating shock and awe.
She took to her program to comment on the acceptance speech of Jesse
Williams where he espoused black people to be have an activist nature to demand
respect in this country. The annoying
thing about her comments was where she made the following statements: “I
would be really offended if there was a school known as a historically white
college.” “What if there was a national
organization for white people only?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I asked myself, how a black woman can make such asinine
statements. Now while I am not a big fan
of her, I immediately thought of her comments as a fucking disgrace. How
can you be a black mother of a black young man (teenager) and not understand
the meaning or history as to why we as black citizens of this country have
HBCU’s and black organization such as the NAACP? The very
utterance of this statements pissed me the fuck off. She is an embarrassment to everything I know
and love about black women. To let that
shit fall from your lips just confirms how fucking stupid she is. Maybe her breast implants are leaking and the
silicone has traveled to her damn brain.
Regardless there is NO DAMN EXCUSE for this public bullshit. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is it that she does not get? There is no reason or excuse for such
ignorance. I wish that Jesse Williams or
Harry Belafonte or even Oprah would give this motherfucker a lesson in black
history. I see no reason to take time
to note the obvious to correct her ignorance by explaining why there are HBCU’s
as well as organization like the NAACP.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently there has been a petition being circulated on
social media asking for Shonda or ABC to remove Jesse Williams from his role on
Grey’s Anatomy. However, I would like
to propose that we start a petition to have the Wendy Williams Show cancelled
removing her black ignorant ass from television???!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity" </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i></i> ----Martin Luther King, Jr.</div>
Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-5147262764494350082016-06-13T08:56:00.000-07:002019-06-13T08:17:40.427-07:00I Too Sing America in the Aftermath of Orlando<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsOf0FJNL5kXvPzKDiLlwn2ZmuN5ZE8XsJCNU1jd9Lkm-g4MmcTfAJRianeVcHm7UC1sbzMYP_McdF3yye3mLypT-k44Or4QXY9ozgsogtMmtkMVaZnBGjKV6IXIdtqWu2iHwnBvaolHWx/s1600/Setting+Sun.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsOf0FJNL5kXvPzKDiLlwn2ZmuN5ZE8XsJCNU1jd9Lkm-g4MmcTfAJRianeVcHm7UC1sbzMYP_McdF3yye3mLypT-k44Or4QXY9ozgsogtMmtkMVaZnBGjKV6IXIdtqWu2iHwnBvaolHWx/s200/Setting+Sun.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The text message read: …He’s coming. I am going to die.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a mother receiving this message how do
you go on?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was the coverage on the
news this morning (one day after the shooting).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Immediately I began to cry because I could only imagine what they both
(mother and son) were going through at that moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Many times we are told “Life is short, make the most of each
day”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing makes this statement ring
home more than a national tragedy that takes your breath away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I typically do when I wake up on the
weekend, I immediately turn on MSNBC to see what has been happening in the
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On Sunday, I saw that there had
been a shooting in Orlando, Florida.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
then picked up my mobile phone and started scrolling through my Facebook feeds
only to find out that the shooting took place in a popular gay club.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spent the bulk of my morning watching the
news coverage and saw the fatality count grow from 20 to 50 in a matter of
hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You just become numb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not much of a club goer but when I do I
go to enjoy myself with friends and this could have easily been me or someone I
know and love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The LGBT community is hurting but most of all the parents,
siblings, lovers and friends are hurting much more than any of us can
imagine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What started out for most of
the victims as just another night of good times and celebrations of life during
Pride month with those they love turned into a night of terror and for some
death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While this tragedy does not supersede
or overshadow those in the past it is the first to be specifically target on our
community. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet again it reminds us of the horror that paralyzes
us to begin going down the list of “what ifs”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We have become a country that is consumed with guns and this seems to be
the way we settle our differences or deal with our own personal issues
(emotional and mental).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We must change
for we can’t go on like this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Unfortunately in a few weeks man of us will go back to life as we knew
it before the night of June 11<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The call for gun legislation will be suggested and those beholden to the
NRA will fight against any regulations for it is the dance we have become
accustomed to only to be a group full of sound and fury signifying nothing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">There are those that fuel hate within this country based on
race, gender and sexual orientation and I want them to know that while this man
had the gun the blood of each victim is on their hands as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have stood on the public stage (pulpits, legislative
offices, news outlets, etc.) spewing your hatred and venom on a group of people
that you feel are less deserving and for that you are culpable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have played your part in throwing the
rocks and bricks at those of us who you deem unworthy so you do not get to sit back
comfortably.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can deny your
involvement as much as you want but the blood of each of those innocent
individuals is forever on your hands and soak in the fiber of your being. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">What kind of world have we become where a person’s “presumed”
religious belief coupled with his personal dislike for people who love
differently is an affront on him and his life as a human being?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When do I (Ronald Wadley) get to love and be
loved without retribution, stares or distain from other people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fact that I show affection by hugging,
touching or gently kissing my boyfriend in public should never be a reason for
hatred.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When do I get to live out the
dream of public love, laughter and affection with the man I love?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is this a part of the dream of life long
happiness that is only afforded those that are in opposite sex
relationships?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This massacre has brought
so many personal issues to the surface for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, I have come to realize that the only way to get what I deserve
is to take it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will not allow my “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dream (</i>to be<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">) Deferred”</i> for “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I Too Sing
America”.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-45899614837129551422016-06-08T13:12:00.000-07:002017-01-11T10:16:30.831-08:00A Side Most Never See <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWYt5CJUtoI1QRyP2xn0VpD7q8b4Rcde3G9ebByDh3E7DG3MnsNu5bHJG0c3a_JJwWjmwNZ0YxfFFHgXPQooxbuAGlyK2CS9zYzUhzUBlmgqCG_i9HTTPonJ3u6lgYTJIUs1cQh8qxnzvR/s1600/Peace.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWYt5CJUtoI1QRyP2xn0VpD7q8b4Rcde3G9ebByDh3E7DG3MnsNu5bHJG0c3a_JJwWjmwNZ0YxfFFHgXPQooxbuAGlyK2CS9zYzUhzUBlmgqCG_i9HTTPonJ3u6lgYTJIUs1cQh8qxnzvR/s200/Peace.png" width="200" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Hello All,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">This is a very personal blog because I am in a really
interesting space in my life presently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I feel a since of inner peace that I haven’t felt in a long time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now do not get me wrong I am not walking
around with a fixated smile or humming melodic tunes all day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, it appears that parts of my world
are coming into focus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that this
is a result of therapy/counseling and age.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I started seeing a therapist last year because I felt myself
digging this proverbial hole for myself that I simply wanted to crawl in and
let the word just go by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For those of
you that do not know me well may not know that my mother passed away when I was
2 years of age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her death is something I
have never really reconciled because I never thought I had to for I have not
one recollection of my mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However,
I think about her on a daily basis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
four older siblings have memories of our mother that they have shared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have never felt like the odd man out but I
do feel as though I have been short changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Another focus of my therapy was the intimate side of my
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A little over a year ago I ended a
relationship with a person that I loved very much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The decision was not hasty but over time it
had been thought out due to the various issues that we had encountered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was very evident after our last
conversation during our relationship that he and I were in two different places
and getting back on the same path was not going to happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had done all I knew how to do and in doing
so the end result was that it was not enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had to end it regardless of the imminent pain. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">So the breakup as well as the issues regarding my mother’s
death was too much for me to handle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Fortunately I was forging a new friendship with a therapist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked him if he was taking on additional
clients and we began the process of peeling back the layers of my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">As we began the process of course I noted my reason for
seeking therapy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first few months were
a bit challenging because we discussed my mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was evident that I was masking some pain
and discomfort after several sessions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Things I had no idea that were beneath the surface.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We finally came to the conclusion that my mother’s
death left a hole in me that I could never close and one I had not dealt
with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During one of my sessions my
therapist noted “do you realize that you always mention you mother in every
session regardless of what we are talking about”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had no idea that I was doing that which was
proof that there was something there that I really needed to address.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember cleaning the house one evening
and my mind began to go back to the most recent session. It was at that time
that the pain set in regarding my mother’s absence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The disappointment and despair hit me in the
gut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to stop cleaning and sit down
because realizing that there was a hole in my soul that I will never be able to
resolve was very difficult to acknowledge and accept.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That realization was one of the most
difficult things I had to accept and deal with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now armed with this new information, the question was how I could move forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can say that it has not been an easy
process but it is better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over the
months we discuss my mother delving into my inner most thoughts and it has been
revealing even to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The other part of my therapy process was geared around my inability
to sustain an intimate relationship specifically my most recent one because the
pain was still fresh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This proved a bit
more difficult because I just knew that the issue was not with me but with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why couldn’t he just love me in return and
not feel as if I was out to get him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ha,
silly me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realized that loving someone
and being there for them in a very giving manner can hamper that person from
giving for the willingness to do so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
also discovered that I can’t fix a broken person for that is a job only he can
do. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now do not get me wrong, I have my
own shit to correct but I knew what love and loving someone encompassed.
Through therapy I was able to look back on some clear signs that showed me that
he was broken but I knew he had the capacity to love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, what I did not know is that he did
not know how to love fully nor receive that which was being given freely. Vulnerability
was a weakness to him and he was not going to be weak for me or anyone
else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that each of us deal with brokenness to
some degree but trying to love someone that does not acknowledge and/or
recognize it is dangerous for it is like kryptonite to Superman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I look back and think of his actions, words
and deep conversations and in 99% of them there was a sign that I neglected
and/or was unwilling to see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I became an
enabler by not addressing the elephant in the room. My work on self is DAILY
but what therapy has taught me is that there is no quick fix.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I now think about things and situations a lot
more intently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I know that it does
not look right the new me realizes that I can’t save you and I am enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is my que to exit because it is not
going to get any better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Today, I am still in therapy because for me this is an
ongoing process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see a very distinct
change in my relationship evaluation process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The once constant giver is no longer there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I give of myself because I want to and not
because I think it will help you which in turn would make me feel accomplished.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of all the things I have to work through,
this is the most challenging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I can remember telling my cousin Kim with whom I have a
close relationship that I had given up on ever getting married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have always been a staunch supporter of
marriage equality and felt that now that I could marry someone legally I wanted
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, prior to therapy and after
what I consider a very devastating loss and disappointment I resided that this
was not going to be part of my future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However,
the one thing therapy has given me is the ability to hope again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a
work in progress but I have inner peace!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-9951731067182940562016-03-01T10:58:00.001-08:002016-03-01T10:58:57.732-08:00The Chicken's Have Come Home to Roost<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxv4RtZ-4rZBy67X8do0FZqxDkdAsgOr7pSDp4HGxHkVopCP639wMfJyyQ9UdHEOZYTogTMsjU3rV5XD3Gx9EDSVY-88SsaV_VpJp5CF_vOs0cvxl7IwmRbQUAhutfU-W0FwbBaRV3noAM/s1600/chickens.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxv4RtZ-4rZBy67X8do0FZqxDkdAsgOr7pSDp4HGxHkVopCP639wMfJyyQ9UdHEOZYTogTMsjU3rV5XD3Gx9EDSVY-88SsaV_VpJp5CF_vOs0cvxl7IwmRbQUAhutfU-W0FwbBaRV3noAM/s200/chickens.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Several days ago Donald Trump, who is presently seeking the
republican nomination for President of the United States of America, was
endorsed by David Duke. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>David Duke is
the head of the Klu Klux Klan, a white supremacy group with a long history of
racist acts of violence in this country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When asked about the endorsement by anchor Jake Tapper on the morning
program <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">State of the Union</i> Donald
Trump would not disavow the endorsement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He stated “I have looked at that group.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t know what group you are talking about.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It took him approximately four days to
disavow the endorsement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now either you’re
an idiot or you are a panderer to groups like the KKK.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no way you could not know who of David Duke or the KKK and what they stood for. This shows that there is no limit to what he will do to get support.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Today the Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, had a news
conference noting that anyone that wants to be a nominee of the Republican
Party they must reject any group that is built on bigotry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now you want to take the high road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I have always been told growing up “eventually
the chickens will come home to roost”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
Republican Party has created a platform for Donald Trump to spew hatred and
bigotry the moment a black man entered the White House as President of the
United States 7 years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The party has continued to attack and
disrespect President Obama in ways that are unimaginable. This is the same party that had a backroom meeting the night of the 2008 election noting they were going to stop anything that the newly elected President would propose.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">So now you see Trump building a huge base off of a culture you
allowed to be created in response to your 7 years of disrespect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You let your fellow republicans run wild and
never speaking out on those things that were blatantly wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now you want to hold a news conference noting
your shock and disappointment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sorry,
you don’t get to play that card.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
is a monster you created and now you want to appear as if your hand are clean
and sanitary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No ma’am!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">“Chickens coming home
to roost never did make me sad, they’ve always made me glad.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Malcolm X<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-44523016532647838682015-12-08T14:19:00.001-08:002015-12-08T14:19:41.340-08:002015 Reflections<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6GD0muEboo_MNyMj32dXeEcjp_t9dXVLkED0xang9pdmopH_bdWFCkNn3XF3BKqv6zhyphenhyphenfqs6O9JRImEcDovN1qIcdJEGCOCrjPXv9U0sIEOCxRayvKSTCjpmFihJIWutMzy3IRPcLE3zP/s1600/reflections.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6GD0muEboo_MNyMj32dXeEcjp_t9dXVLkED0xang9pdmopH_bdWFCkNn3XF3BKqv6zhyphenhyphenfqs6O9JRImEcDovN1qIcdJEGCOCrjPXv9U0sIEOCxRayvKSTCjpmFihJIWutMzy3IRPcLE3zP/s1600/reflections.jpg" /></a>Wow...interesting year. 2015 went by so quickly. Here I am reflecting once again on my life over the past year (yes, I know I have a few days left). It is always interesting to go back and read these just to see where my head and heart has been through. <strong><u>Overall I live a darn good life</u></strong>...not perfect but still good. <br />
<div>
</div>
<div>
In February my property management company overseeing my second home in Atlanta found my first tenant. <span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);">After about a month the issues began. The first sign of trouble was when I received utility bills for the month of February. The new tenant had not changed over the water, gas and electrical service in her name. I presumed it was a mere oversight on her part. This was the beginning of several months worth of drama that included late or no rental payment, court and finally eviction that took place in July. While I do not regret purchasing the home the unforeseen expenses incurred were a bit much. However, I was glad that I had a property management company that was handling everything. At the beginning of September a new tenant was procured paying 6 months rent in advance...hallelujah . </span><br />
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Just several months prior I was riding high and planning my life, I hit a bit of brick wall. On March 2nd at approximately 8:30 pm I took the bold step of ending my 18 month relationship. This was not done on a whim but only after conversation that indicated he was no longer willing to work and invest in the relationship. I questioned how we got to this place for some time, however, while I mourned the loss I <strong><u>did not</u></strong> regret my decision. I do take ownership for my part in the dissolution of the relationship.</div>
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<div>
<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);">As the year progressed good news sprouted. Cheryl and Fred, had a house/Villa built in Houston. The house is simply gorgeous and well deserved. Close to Terrence and Teresa and most importantly their grandsons. I was able to attend the wonderful wedding of my nephew to his beautiful bride Angelia. I had the opportunity to meet her weeks prior to the blessed event and I can't be happier for the both of them. I wouldn't miss it for anything in the world. The wedding was held in his home and the reception in the back yard...tent. Not just any ole tent either. When my nephew does it...he does it right!!! Air-conditioned and decorated elegantly. The ceremony and reception were both beautiful. I wish Angelia and Terence all the happiness that life has to offer. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);"></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);">I lost my beloved aunt (Esther) on September 21st to cancer unfortunately. On top of that my first cousin (Alice) passed away unexpectedly the following Friday, September 25th. These two deaths were a huge blow to the family. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);"> </span><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);">Three cousins I have never met and I got together to organize a family potluck so we can at least meet those members that we don't know. There was a lot of laughs and fellowship in the room. I am very glad that I was able to be a part of it. It was a beautiful event and we had tons of food. Hopefully this will lead to a huge family reunion in the very near future.</span><br />
<br />
As I looked over my life I began to question why some things kept occurring. I decided to attend counseling. This has been a good investment for I am finding out things about myself that I either denied or never recognized. I want to be a better Ronald for myself and the next person that enters my life. To be honest I am enjoying my weekly sessions. I know it will not be forever but for now I am embracing the "AHA" moments. </div>
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<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);"></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);">I have done quite a bit of traveling this year....whew...mostly to Atlanta. I have spent more than my share of time in airports and hotel this year. However, my vacation was spent in Cancun this year (November 14-19). The temperature was in the mid 80's. I had never visited Cancun and did not know what to expect. I really enjoyed myself and found the city clean and overall affordable. I also did not feel unsafe at all. I went on a tour to one of the seven wonders (Chichen itza). Often referred to as the Mexican pyramids. It was fascinating. The other days were spent on the beach facing. The Gulf of Mexico with sun tan lotion, music and a margarita. Yes, I did return with a nice brown tan!!! I couldn't think of a better way to enjoy my time. </span><br />
<br />
Thanksgiving was spent in Houston with family. It has been quite a few years since I have done that post the passing of my dad. It felt good to be with Cheryl, Fred, Terrence, Teresa, Angelia, Kyle, Cameron, Myles, Dylan, Grey and Kyle 2.0. It is great to see my great nephews growing up. I am blessed to have such a loving and supportive family. I have no major plans for Christmas and New Year's....other than making a pot of gumbo and chilling.<br />
<br />
I have made some new friends this year and acquaintances this year and I have loved them all. Some have caused me some challenges where I have had to cut them out of my life; something the old me would never have done because I always wanted to be kind. I have laughed to the point of tears with friends old and new. Each person that has entered my life has blessed it in some way and I am thankful for their entrance and in some instances their exit (yep I said it). Some friendships/relationships have had to be refined and redefined but it is all good that is called growth. I look back on 2015 and smile joyously. <br />
<br />
Looking forward to some pending changes planned for 2016...stay tuned. All that I am and have I owe it to God. Without Him I would have lost my mind in some of my life challenges or been too selfish in the joyful moments. <em> "In everything give thanks."</em><br />
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Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-54610117072374690582015-10-18T22:42:00.000-07:002015-10-19T07:08:01.868-07:00Black and White and Sex All Over<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBPonzPBoWL0RZNRiAM2-9ckMxscuFjRSokdq0LxVU127Eq5D8cYrb-0Ktcl0yx5-dN17DLNumOXkvQhEbffKmG-aOItS8aBUmAdm2TlTrgjMjmRq3efbxk-LlYw15K_Uw068NbJ782yTo/s1600/Bill.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBPonzPBoWL0RZNRiAM2-9ckMxscuFjRSokdq0LxVU127Eq5D8cYrb-0Ktcl0yx5-dN17DLNumOXkvQhEbffKmG-aOItS8aBUmAdm2TlTrgjMjmRq3efbxk-LlYw15K_Uw068NbJ782yTo/s200/Bill.jpg" width="159" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On Friday I received a copy (via Facebook) of the current
Ebony magazine copy noting the cast of “The Huxtables” on the cover only this
cover was a bit different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was made
to appear as of this picture was in a glass frame where the glass had been
shattered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course this was in direct
response to the scandal surrounding actor/comedian Bill Cosby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seeing the cover is quite jarring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the cover made the rounds on the pages of
various friends I noticed that the responses were mostly the same…OUTRAGE at Ebony.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Comments like “disgraceful”, “they did not
need to do that”, Ebony is no longer relevant”, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
see the black community is very protective of our icons or those that we feel
the rest of the world is judging harshly or treating unfairly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This controversy took on a head of steam earlier this year
when comedian Hannibal make reference in one of his appearances that Bill Cosby
was a rapist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The media began to see
this has a real story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Women began to
appear out of nowhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each week more
women came forward all with the same story of being drugged and potentially
sexually assaulted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was very hard
to believe about a beloved public figure that has been admired throughout the
years. The question in everyone’s mind was “Why didn’t any of these numerous
women go to the police to report the presumed sexual assault?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
truly skeptical and stood is disbelief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, several months after constant reporting a deposition taken
under oath which was discovered where Bill Cosby spoke about giving drugs to a
woman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At this point many, as well as
myself, began to believe that Bill Cosby was guilty on some level.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As this continued to go on the black media
remained silent until now where Ebony spoke out loud and strong with this most
recent cover.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Personally I am torn. While I do not know if Bill Cosby is
guilty or innocent and I still have some doubts because I don’t think this
situation is as black and white as it seems I do think the cover is very responsible.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Too many women kept silent for some
reason and we may never know that reason but this can’t be a coincidence or
fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Surely there were several women
that had enough courage to feel wronged and report this to the authorities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do
feel there was intercourse with most of these women but the looming question
that may never be answered is was it on some level consensual?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
high possibility that something took place between Bill and some of these women
can’t be overlooked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The following
questions seem to loom overhead:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Were the drugs taken or given willingly or
unknowingly?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is this just a means for
financial opportunity or notoriety?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What
every your stance regarding this issue, the black media cannot look the other
way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking the other way does nothing but
hinder the possibility for a viewpoint that is not being whitewashed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ebony has a responsibility to women as well
as the rest of the community to publish an article on this situation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Therefore, I find NOTHING wrong with the
cover.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fact that the black community
continues to give a pass to those who may in fact be guilty of something egregious
is not a good look.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am disheartened
that we also judged Ebony very negatively for the cover. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We often get mad at the white media when they
cover our stories and don’t do them justice, however, when Ebony (black media)
takes the bold and possible uncomfortable stance of reporting on those touchy
circumstances within the black community they get vilified for doing so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We can’t have it both ways. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-11121713799354407692014-12-16T10:46:00.001-08:002014-12-16T11:46:23.353-08:00Personal Reflection - 2014<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hJJk-psGqH4/VJB8XyItuGI/AAAAAAAAD3k/H5bzAi36ksw/s1600/stock-footage-man-looking-at-reflection-in-glass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hJJk-psGqH4/VJB8XyItuGI/AAAAAAAAD3k/H5bzAi36ksw/s1600/stock-footage-man-looking-at-reflection-in-glass.jpg" height="111" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A year in personal review and reflection.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
T<span style="font-family: Calibri;">his year was not all that bad or at least that is what I perceive
as I sit on the cusp of 2015 and all that I anticipate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My 2014 was filled with lessons and quite a
few joys as well as a surprise that I NEVER saw coming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I round out this year I am still pinching
myself (figuratively speaking).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of the high points of 2014 was being voted in as Board
Chair of Chicago Black Gay Men’s Caucus (CBGMC).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The mission of this “boots on the ground”
organization is “To mobilize and empower Black gay men and their allies to
prevent new HIV infections by addressing the well-being of Black men who have
sex with men”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Believe me this has been rewarding
yet challenging because as some of you know I am in Finance and not Social
Services.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fortunately, I am blessed to
have a dedicated and professional staff that deals with the day-to-day work of
the Caucus as well as fellow Board members and supporters that are
professionals in this field of work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Caucus does some amazing and life changing work within the community
and I am blessed to be a part of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
am very humbled by this experience and the opportunity and still finding my way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My health has been very good this year and that is a true
blessing for I have heard of friends of friends passing at relatively young
ages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These sad occasions give me pause
to remind me just how darn blessed I am to have my health today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was asked by someone I admired and on occasion call my “twin”
to participate in something called digital storytelling (sponsored by CBGMC)
along with 7 other guys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because the
request came from him I did not hesitate to agree without really knowing what
it entailed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, digital storytelling
is basically a short (3-4 minutes) personal story that is told in your voice that
includes video and still shots to assist in telling the story visually.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This weekend project was <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">intense</b> and consisted of many man hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all were given a topic/subject (how
HIV/AIDS impacted our lives) and asked to write a short story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have
always believed that within each of us we have a story to tell like none
other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So because I love writing I was
all over this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The stories shared
between eight SGL (same gender loving) black men was profound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In our community we tend not to talk about
the personal and only share that surface stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Therefore, to me this was
groundbreaking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was some crying
and beautiful touching moments as each story was shared. </span><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As the year progressed I continued on and before I knew it I
was preparing for my future life and seriously considering leaving Chicago, my
birthplace and a city I truly love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
a man of action so when God placed that in my spirit I moved forward with
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This initial feeling took hold on
the Fourth of July weekend and just four months and one week later I had purchased
a second home in another city.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The home
is simply gorgeous and I can’t wait to reside there full-time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This process brought about some celebration
and some disappointment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I
chose to focus on the celebration and those who chose to celebrate with
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My family has ALWAYS been a huge
supporter of my dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see that is
what was instilled in us as children and I thank my father (Robert Wadley) for
his firm discipline, guidance of love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Little did I know but I had prepared myself financially to be able to do
this without much concern (see I believe that was God working).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here I am the owner of two homes at once…me
that SGL boy that lived in the projects most of his childhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truly I am living my father’s dream.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A man who struggled to ensure me and my four
siblings had a better life than he did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My sister said something that almost broke me
down as we were talking about my purchase.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She said “Daddy would be so proud of you” and that touch my heart for my
father has always been my hero.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
continue to look up to him and think how much strength it took for him to raise
5 children after our mother and the love of his life passed away at 29 years of
age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I continue to enjoy travelling and seeing the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most people know I love the sun, therefore, I
went to Punta Cana, (Republic of Dominica) in November.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The weather was absolutely gorgeous…no colder
than 87 degrees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a nice relaxing
time and I did get my tan on (smile).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now it is time to contemplate where I will spend my 2016 vacation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">As I move into 2015 and leave 2014 behind I pray
that it continues to be filled with celebration and education.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t expect everything in my life to be
golden, however, I will continue to smile inside and out. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will walk into 2015 (God willing) with
tip-toed anticipation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has guided me
this far and when I listened I realized the blessing He had in store. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-77330708853221121552014-05-08T13:46:00.001-07:002014-05-09T16:27:29.102-07:00Big Mama!!!<br>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-acEzoC8ldL8/U2vs5jix82I/AAAAAAAACXE/-gz4r4m4QO0/s1600/grandmother.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-acEzoC8ldL8/U2vs5jix82I/AAAAAAAACXE/-gz4r4m4QO0/s1600/grandmother.png" height="200" width="188"></a><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This time of year is always very interesting to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was asked a few days ago “How do I feel
around Mother’s Day”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My response to the question was “While I
embrace and honor the day I do not really feel sad at all”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
unfortunate thing is that my mother passed away before I got to know her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have no memories of her being in my
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I know that she was with
me for the first two years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-small;">
</span><br>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">As I thought about the question more the following days, I decided
that I would ask my siblings who are older and all have memories of our mother the
same question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sure it must be
more difficult for them in varying degrees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Our mother was only twenty-nine years old when she passed away, leaving
behind a husband and five children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
siblings were 12, 10, 8 and 6 when our mother died after having surgery due to myasthenia
gravis an autoimmune disease which was effecting her thyroid at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was in 1962 and the medical community
was not as advanced in the knowledge of MG back then as they are now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">While I have always felt, and still do so today, an
emptiness due to not having my mother in my life I am not saddened by it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My father, maternal grandmother (Big Mama),
aunts and uncles did the best they knew how to by stepping in the gap that now existed
in the lives of me and my siblings. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone did the best they could for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My father’s sister (Muff) was cosmetologist and
would do my sister’s hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one and I
mean NO ONE was allowed to do their hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If they did there was hell to pay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now my father passed away in 1996 (34 years after my mother) but he
never remarried. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am TRULY grateful
for all the love that they showered on us (especially Big Mama).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When my mother – her daughter--passed away
she quit her job to take care of me because I was not school age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These were the days before pre-school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of
my siblings were in school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I lived with
her from Sunday – Friday evening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On
Friday my dad would come to pick me up and off to McDonald’s we would go with
my siblings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a Friday
ritual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all attended the same church (Truelight Baptist Church) so I got to be up under Big Mama during Sunday service.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was nothing like the comfort of being with
Big Mama.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My earliest memory is me
laying my head on her lap in church as a child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She was stern, wise and very loving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As I think back to those days of living with her I remember her
cooking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Big Mama could THROW DOWN in
kitchen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember falling in love with her greens
and those potato rolls….LORD HAVE MERCY.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Oh and I can’t forget the pound cake!!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am sure that is why I am so in love with soul food as an adult.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">As me and my siblings got older we would go visit Big Mama a
minimum of once a week. I remember us walking from our house to Big Mama’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now it was not around the corner or down the
street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a bit of a hike but it
was not a problem because the destination was worth it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We knew that Big Mama would welcome us with
open arms and fill our bellies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
was no coming into her house without eating especially on Sunday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you walked in she would ask if you
were hungry and it was disrespectful to turn down a meal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She would get in that kitchen and whip
something together in no time flat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
seemed as if she would make those homemade rolls in the blink of an eye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To this day I don’t know how she did it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When my
mom passed away Big Mama quit her job to take care of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From what I have been told is that Big Mama
and my mom were very close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She took my
mom’s passing very hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Growing up I felt so special for I was the only
one of my siblings to get her attention five days a week (yes I was spoiled….very….but
not rotten for Big Mama was not having that). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t
ever remember getting a "whooping"…not because she didn’t believe in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She would go to that closet and get that ironing
cord and your butt would be sore for a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved Big Mama for she brought
something to my life and my development as an adult that I know is special. She was the best mother I could have had in the absence of my biological mom.</span></span>Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-10942881522922693112014-03-03T15:03:00.000-08:002014-03-03T15:03:47.163-08:002014 Oscar Awards - More than 12 Years.....
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-W3McO67fsaU/UxUJ2oAKLkI/AAAAAAAACBQ/Wf-yzKqXUcw/s1600/Oscar.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-W3McO67fsaU/UxUJ2oAKLkI/AAAAAAAACBQ/Wf-yzKqXUcw/s1600/Oscar.bmp" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Academy Awards 2014...wow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Academy Awards show was hosted last evening by Ellen Degeneres.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Academy Awards were highly anticipated
this year because there were some great movies that hit the big screen in
2013.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of which was 12 Years a
Slave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Academy Awards has been known to snub the
great works by African Americans in the film industry both in front of and
behind the camera.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This year Steve McQueen
(Director), John Ridley (Screenwriter), Chiwetel Ejiofor (Actor-Lead Character)
and Lupita Nyong’o (Actress-Supporting Role) were all nominated for their
contribution to the film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, 12 Years
also received a Best Picture nomination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is the first time in many years I have watched the
entire Academy Awards telecast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I must
say that Ellen kept me entertained and was a great host but I was hoping that blacks
were not left walking away without an Oscar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, this would not be the first time that great works by blacks
were inexplicably looked over by the members of the Academy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had become completed jaded when it came to
the recognition process as well as the receipt of the award.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, the black human spirit is
amazing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Regardless of how many times we
have been let down and in some cases beaten down we still have a sense of hope
that this one time things are going to be different (fair).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Therefore, we sit in front of our televisions
waiting for that moment when the envelope is cracked open and the presenter
reads….And the Oscar goes to….gasp!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Last night was filled with much anticipation and hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I sat at my computer on Facebook
conversing with other friends commenting about the overall awards it became a
very fun evening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then the presenter for
Best Supporting Actress read off all the nominees and then Lupita Nyong’o’s
name was called.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was overjoyed for her
performance as Patsy in 12 Years was riveting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I shouted with joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, as
the night went on Chiwetel did not win for Best Actor but I knew it was a very
close race.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Matthew Mcconaughey deserved
to win for his performance in Dallas Buyer’s Club for it was one to beat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Later that evening John Ridley won an Oscar
which was great he is only the second black person to win for Best Adapted Screenplay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then at long last at the end of the awards
the nominations for Best Film were being read by Will Smith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just knew it would be Gravity, however, to
my wonderful surprise it was 12 Years a Slave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That was icing on the cake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This film told the true story of a free black man that was
captured in the north and sold into slavery in the south where he spent 12
years of his life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The scenes were
riveting, well-acted and well directed by all involved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is amazing to me that so many blacks have
not taken the time to see the film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most
people will tell you that they do not want to see the cruelty that leaps off
the screen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, in not supporting this
film it does a disservice to our ancestors and ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is our history and yes it is painful but
if you do not watch it and learn from it you will remain lost and
misunderstood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our ancestors endured
some horrific things as they struggled to live daily under the tyranny of
slavery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, many made it and that
is why we are here today and we MUST celebrate that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But we can’t brush aside those difficult
parts of our heritage and expect to be rewarded moving forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We get upset when the “white man” tells our
story but yet we don’t want to embrace it, learn it and tell it to our
children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we let someone else tell
our story they have the ability to give it whatever ending or slant they
desire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Choosing to opt out and not
learn, we walk away believing that those false stories are in fact true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is my hope that with all the coveted recognition this
movie has garnered that we as a race will embrace it fully and teach each other
as well as our children, nephews and nieces that they have nothing to be
ashamed of when it comes to their slave ancestors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are from some amazing and strong group of
people for not everyone could have survived all that was endured.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-80020517456660796792014-02-05T21:33:00.000-08:002014-02-05T21:33:01.983-08:00Iconic Burden<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vB5qN8AVTG8/UvMdtqbigjI/AAAAAAAAB5w/JGw986SV6Xc/s1600/Nobel+Peace+Prize.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vB5qN8AVTG8/UvMdtqbigjI/AAAAAAAAB5w/JGw986SV6Xc/s1600/Nobel+Peace+Prize.png" height="138" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Every parent desires nothing but the best for their child. I am sure it is universal that parents raise
their children with the goal of each child growing into loving, productive,
self-sufficient members of society.
After reading the news recently I believe we, especially us in the African-American
community, are thinking where what the hell is going on with the children of
Martin and Coretta. The fact that Martin
III, Dexter and Bernice are possibly going back to court to begin yet another
battle is disheartening. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I can’t image what it would be like to grow up as the child
of iconic parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sure that this
could not be easy living your life in a fishbowl where the entire world is
looking to see if you are going to be like your parents or slip up by making a
public mistake and receiving immediate judgment passed upon you and your
character for that one incident.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be born to Martin Luther King, Jr. and
Coretta Scott King must have had it shares of blessings and curses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Martin and Coretta while they were very human
they were also much respected not only in this country but the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now that they are both deceased we the public
expect their children to live respectable lives and to some degree continue to
carry the torch of justice and activism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have begun to ask myself is that a valid and justified request and
burden to lay at the feet of the King children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Over the past several years we have heard some rather disturbing
stories about the battles that the siblings have been having in regard to the
legacy of their father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They have been taking each other to court over
intellectual property (name, image, recorded voice and memorabilia) and now
they are back in the news. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only this
time it is being reported that the brothers want to sell their father’s Nobel
Peace Prize as well as his bible. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why
aren’t these items on loan to the Smithsonian?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What is it that is really at the root of all this contention between the
siblings?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would be so rewarding to see Martin,
Dexter and Bernice united to fight to keep guard over the legacy of their parents
instead they are fighting each other in the public arena like they are
toddlers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I personally can’t get past
the idea that what I would consider a priceless item they APPEAR to not value
what they possess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We will never know the true underline issues that seem to
continue to bubble over between the King children. Actually I don’t want to know, I just want
the court battles to stop and for them to see the non-monetary value of the MLK
items they own.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-91323129356747061162013-12-31T09:31:00.000-08:002013-12-31T11:55:41.410-08:002013 Reflections (abridged version): <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-p6ASomnRPPs/UsL7qeUm1_I/AAAAAAAABr8/zuerTeZ5S5w/s1600/Reflection.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="197" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-p6ASomnRPPs/UsL7qeUm1_I/AAAAAAAABr8/zuerTeZ5S5w/s1600/Reflection.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>2013 Reflections (abridged version):</strong><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As I sit and think about the previous 364 days of my life I
begin to feel a myriad of emotions (laughter, sadness and joy).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Several lines from one of my favorite poems
(Mother to Son – Langston Houghes) describes my experience this year….”<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s had tacks in it, And splinters, And
boards torn up, And places with no carpet on the floor---Bare.”</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This year has been one of personal challenge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My biggest heart break was having to bury my
oldest sister.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see my siblings are
not just my siblings they are also my closest friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was especially close to Jackie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was the oldest and I the youngest of the
Wadley clan…"bookends".<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And to see her
struggle with health issues over the last 4 -5 years before her passing was
tough for all of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She and I would
talk at least 4 times a week prior to her becoming acutely ill. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My intellect helps me understand that she is
in a better place and finally at peace, however, my heart is not so understanding
I miss her dearly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love and cherish my surviving siblings and our relationships. I know the loss of our sister has changed each of us in different ways. We all have a unique and different bond.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have enjoyed seeing my great nephews (Cameron, Myles,
Dylan and Grey) grow up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I endured
the loss of my eldest sister God gave renewed hope as I saw Grey get older
and stronger after being born premature at 1lb 7oz and spending exactly 100
days in the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grey (aka Little Warrior) has just started
walking and is a testament of God’s grace and power of prayer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On June 19<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> Jackie made her transition
to be with the Lord and exactly one month later (July 19th) Grey celebrated his first
birthday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thinking about the amazing
power of God’s love and presence in these two situations alone takes my breath away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These
little boys have my heart and I know how much they truly love their Uncle
Ronald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> They bring such joy to my life even though we live many miles apart. </span>They are the children I will never have.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On a personal level, my life has been up and down when it
comes to love everlasting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has been
filled with disappointment, joy and some extreme heartbreak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, the experiences have been
interesting and God has had a hand in each situation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want
to go into 2014 loving more and surrounding myself with those that know how to
and are willing to love in return.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I can no longer worry about those that are unwilling to take this journey with me. Life is short and I want more joy than sorry when necessary. </span>My
close friends keep me laughing on days when things are not going so well
(little do they know).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thank God for their
presence in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ever since 2001 when I came to the realization the possibility of a long life
is not guaranteed from one day to the next I vowed to take one BIG vacation
annually.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have kept that promise to
myself all but one year since.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This year I
went to Sint Maarteen (Dutch spelling/pronunciation) and had a great and
relaxing time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> This was only my second time taking a vacation with someone and it was great. Kenny and Joe are great guys and kept me laughing daily. To be in the presence of kind and loving people is a blessing. We had not seen each other in about 8 years but you would have thought we were neighbors. </span>It was good to get away
and not think about anything happening back here in Chicago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
still have some of my tan….YEAH!!! What happened in Sint Maarteen stays in Sint Maarteen (Big Ass Smile). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I
have to start planning for 2014.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I live a very blessed life at the end of the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You will never see me host a pity party for
that is not my style.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While it is
not a crystal stair, my life is filled with unmeasurable joy and blessings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thank you all for each part you have played
in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray that we all continue
to recognize our blessings in 2014.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-18868920714828230092013-09-01T17:13:00.001-07:002013-09-02T16:19:34.679-07:00Will this Emptiness Subside<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7kqw11Valo4/UiPWrYKUtuI/AAAAAAAABDc/oizr4a13fo0/s1600/Jackie2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7kqw11Valo4/UiPWrYKUtuI/AAAAAAAABDc/oizr4a13fo0/s1600/Jackie2.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It has taken me some time to write this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oddly enough writing is my joy and one of my
true passions in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a God given
gift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I am no Toni Morrison (smile)
but I do what I do at the best of my abilities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">About two months ago now my eldest sister and close friend
died after a long struggle of a heart ailment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
Losing a sibling is different than losing a parent. I really can't describe it but the feeling of loss is different. </span>For the last few months of her life she was in and out of hospitals and
rehabilitation facilities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her quality
of life had truly diminished and it was really tough for me and my other
siblings to see her struggle as she did over the past few years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My relationship with Jackie was close as it is with all of
my siblings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, as any of you that
have siblings know the relationships vary with each brother or sister.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My closeness with Jackie started way before
I could remember.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In most of the family
photos where the five of us were the subject of the photo I would be positions
on Jackie’s lap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There she was holding
her little fathead brother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sure
since she was the oldest she was given the responsibility of positioning me on
her lap as the shutter clicked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And with
my dad as the family photographer, we took a LOT OF PICTURES.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As we got older, my relationship with Jackie grew
closer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once she got married and moved
several blocks away to live with her husband at the time I was a little
sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, with her living so close
we would still see each other often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
time marched on and our lives changed but our relationship never wavered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact Jackie was my confidant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could remember coming to terms with my
sexuality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jackie was the first person I
ever told.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I will not say that she
was jumping for joy because that was not the case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was cautious because as most of my family
and friends this was something that they did not really understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hell, I was trying to understand it myself.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Jackie was the peacemaker in the family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wanted all things to be okay always.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I truly miss her as does my other
siblings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find myself mentally
thinking that I need to give her a call to talk about the latest “family events”
or just to chat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I realize that I
will never hear her voice again and I get a sense of emptiness in the pit of my
stomach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that she is at peace for she no longer
has a person that had a warped definition of love, no more ventilation and
oxygen uses, consistent hospital visits to remove a build-up of fluid on her
legs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, her last few years on this
earth were very difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I
am thankful that the last three weeks of her life God stepped in and moved that
“person” out of her life and moved Michael my older brother in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He became her daily caretaker to ensure sure
had her daily meals and medication at her house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Michael was truly an angel and stepped in and
stepped up when we as a family needed him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Currently there is a hole in my soul where Jackie once
resided.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that this pain due to
absence will heal but the scar will remain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I will always miss her as I would if this was to happen to any of my
siblings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I stated in the tribute I
wrote and read at her home-going service, on the day I was born God immediately
gave me my four best friends known as my siblings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Today I have to go on without one of my
siblings/best friends and it is a little difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I thank God for the 53 years that I
was able to experience life with my big sister.</span></div>
Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-13214984985861868432011-12-18T15:16:00.000-08:002011-12-18T15:16:22.434-08:00Different, Not Deficient<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jJ9bFvie_Ac/Tu5wTamUcrI/AAAAAAAAA14/-d5RIHLLiNc/s1600/Tree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jJ9bFvie_Ac/Tu5wTamUcrI/AAAAAAAAA14/-d5RIHLLiNc/s200/Tree.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a dear friend, someone I have come to admire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had been having conversations about my writing; therefore, I shared my blog link with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After doing so I was a little apprehensive because there was a very personal blog that I had written earlier regarding my HIV status, one that I had only shared with probably 3 people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After giving it to him I just said “oh well” the genie is out of the bottle now so whatever happens I will embrace it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, while he and I were on the phone one evening I had the courage to ask him if he had read this particular blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He noted that he had read the blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One question that he posed was “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">So how is your life different since learning your HIV status?</i>”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found the question very interesting which lead me to this writing.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay, so here I sit ten (10) years later of dealing with my HIV status.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be more accurate, from the date of diagnosis (October 25, 2001) until today (December 13, 2011) it has been:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">10 years, 1 month, 19 days or;<o:p></o:p></span></span></div> <span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">528 weeks or;</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3,702 days or;</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">88,824 hours or;</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">5,329,400 minutes or;</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">319,766,400 seconds</span></span><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have had to take my medication on a daily basis (currently 2 pills daily; one upon waking up and one before going to bed) which would be approximately 7,404 pills.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These pills are my lifeline to continued physical existence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This also includes seeing my physician every three months to ensure that my health is intact. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Since learning of my status, I have gone through a myriad of emotions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will say that I have evolved into this relatively outspoken and passionate activist about the lack of compassion when it comes to those of us that are impacted by HIV.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now some 30 years later many still attach stigma to a positive diagnosis most of which is based on the assumption that promiscuity lead to infection. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, for most of us that was/is not the case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Better yet, so what if it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is that person’s life and humanity less valuable because he was infected differently?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that I am at this place in my life for a reason and that is to become a voice and support in some way for those that are without voice or access.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The part that I am doing in the community or attempting to do is in direct correlation to my health status.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cannot say that I would be as involved with this cause if I was still married and living my good ole comfortable suburban life with my spouse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Initially, when I was diagnosed I began to devalue my existence for I believed that I was not worthy of being loved or better yet that no one would love me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course that was my own ignorance that had the loudest voice in my head at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With that thought in mind I imposed my own <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">relationship exile</i> where I did not date anyone for about 3-4 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I realized that this feeling was one that many of those that are HIV positive encounter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fortunately, I was blessed enough to turn down the volume on that part of my fear and eventually move past it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truly I should have been on someone’s couch getting some sessions in for internally I was a wreck, however, outwardly I appeared very happy and well adjusted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dating for me has been interesting for I dated men that were positive and those that were negative all of whom accepted all of who I was; HIV included.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has been my policy to divulge my status to the person I was dating at the time and allow him decide if he wanted to remain on the dating path.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not everyone is going to be able to accept dating an HIV positive individual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have to meet people where they are and accept that about then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their lack of acceptance of your status is fear on their part as well. Just know that this person is just not ready at this point and it does not make him a bad person; just human.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Telling someone is NEVER easy for we all want to be wanted especially by someone with whom you have a romantic interest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just like many of us I have been on this quest to find a partner that was loving, kind, able to communicate openly and honestly, authentic in his living, etc. and hopefully I will one day soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I am a better today at embracing this part of me which can only make me a better partner/spouse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: Calibri;">While I have lived an authentic life regarding the romantic side of me, I have not done so when it comes to the HIV part of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know and realize that the fear of rejection and judgment I felt after being diagnosed in 2001 still lingers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, several months ago, I have decided to not allow that fear to control my life anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am slowly taking back that part of me for living in fear is no way to exist as a whole and happy human being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is really hard to gauge how my life is different other than that medication, doctor’s visits and general fears. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is all I have known for the past 10 years. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will say that the one bold thing I have noticed is that I CHERISH life daily and embrace what God has blessed me with;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a very supportive family as well as a few close friends and a lot of material stuff (I am truly a consumer…smile).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think of that shy “spoiled” boy growing up in public housing and the man I have become today and I know that my life even with the news of received on October 25, 2001 I am blessed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The Ronald of October 24, 2001and the one today has evolved and that evolution was in part due to my HIV status.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has been an interesting journey and I look forward to the rest that life has before me.</span>Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-59953799052759826132011-10-27T20:33:00.000-07:002011-10-27T21:52:01.322-07:00All God's Children<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cdesXyUXPUU/Tqo0gc_fyvI/AAAAAAAAA1o/VkeeVhKJ1Q0/s1600/Gay+Christian2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cdesXyUXPUU/Tqo0gc_fyvI/AAAAAAAAA1o/VkeeVhKJ1Q0/s1600/Gay+Christian2.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My life’s journey has been interesting, challenging, rewarding and insightful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been blessed to have people in my life that offer wisdom which takes me to a deeper mode of thinking and introspection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just the other day I had one of those moments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was talking to a friend and she made a statement that literally floored me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before I share that statement with you let me note that we are both same gender loving individuals and Christians.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My friend has completed her MDiv (Master of Divinity) and is currently in the process of becoming an ordained minister.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When things within the church frustrate either of us we lean on one another as a sounding board.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Several years ago I vowed to never get on another committee at church, however, a friend called me and said that she wanted a voice from the LGBT community and she immediately thought of me because of my activist history.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It did not take long before I my black ass was piss off so rather than deal with unnecessary frustration I quickly resigned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I take responsibility for part of the issue that arose but how it was handled put my friend in an uncomfortable position and I thought it unfair. I shared this with my MDiv sista.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After we ended our phone conversation she sent me a text that stated “Just think we are going to have our funeral/going home services in the same sanctuary where we cannot consecrate our love for our partners”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After reading that I was floored because she is so right which made me look more critically at the church where I worship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me take a moment to say that this is a very dynamic and welcoming church in a denomination that openly supports marriage equality for all people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, each church has that ability to embrace the open and affirming doctrine or not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My church, while it speaks inclusion it is only willing to dip its big toe in that water for to do so could and most likely would upset the membership of the church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Declining membership equates to fewer tithes and offerings therefore silence or fence sitting is the order of the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have often asked myself, how can I or should I support a church that does not support me FULLY in all of who I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I was raised to attend church to worship and thank God for all that He has done for me I am conflicted by how I was raised and what I feel (abandoned).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I find myself moving further and further away from the church as I get older because I am disappointed and disheartened because of the lack of visible inclusion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is odd to be in a place where you feel misunderstood by those who love you because they see the fact that the church is “welcoming” as enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not asking the church to put a rainbow banner out front but to do more than lip service and an occasional positive mention in a sermon or two a month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay, yes we are miles ahead of most churches but we still have a long way to go, therefore, some even my LGBT sisters and brothers think that the crumbs from the table are enough because at least we are getting something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I say a loud a resounding NO because for me that is not enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My not going to church does not mean I have given up my ability to thank, praise and believe in God but in fact it has given me the ability to demand full open acceptance.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-90552148373550796602011-10-10T19:06:00.000-07:002011-10-10T19:06:52.052-07:00Not As Authentic As I Thought<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-s8I6nuy5B1k/TpOjLqV2YMI/AAAAAAAAA1Y/5dvKJzKHzv4/s1600/authenticity+seal.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="156" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-s8I6nuy5B1k/TpOjLqV2YMI/AAAAAAAAA1Y/5dvKJzKHzv4/s200/authenticity+seal.gif" width="200" /></a></div><br />
<div class="Body1" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">For quite a few years now I have celebrated the fact that I live an authentic life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well that was until recently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Authentic living to me has never been about me flaunting my sexuality, however, what it did mean was not being ashamed of who I am and all that I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fear of being judged without knowing the true me has caused me some discomfort in my past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I had reached a point and time in my life where the opinions of others did not matter much at all anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I chose to live as much of an authentic existence as I could in every facet of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Taking that first step was not easy for it was like walking a tightrope without a net.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, experience has taught me that if I am respectful of who I am and walk in love and confidence the discomfort that others may have will dissipate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The 'coming out' (for lack of a better phrase) process is not a one-time thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truly living an authentic life is a daily process for you will encounter someone almost daily that is unaware of parts of your life.</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="Body1" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Recently I began working for a new employer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My previous place of employment was easy because I had been there for 17 years and authentic about who I was for 14 of those years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So now I am faced with the process of meeting new people and building that working relationship all over again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Inevitably someone at my new place of employment would ask some personal question(s) that I may feel compelled to answer that would shine a light on the total me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, that was not even a huge concern for I would be me and move forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There have been times in my life when I did not really see the proverbial freight train coming at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well last week I had one of those moments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="Body1" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Like any new place of employment after a certain grace period you have to complete the necessary health insurance paperwork to get your health benefits in place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On Wednesday the Human Resources Director came to my office to give me the booklet and application for insurance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She asked me to look it over and we would discuss it later in the week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I flipped through the document and application and my eyes caught a question that stopped me dead in my tracks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the medical history page the question about HIV status and diagnosis literally jumped out off the page and smacked me in my face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The question sent me into a tailspin because while I have lived this very authentic life there was one thing that kept me in the bondage of shame, the fact that I am HIV positive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was diagnosed 2001 while employed by my previous employer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Therefore, having to answer that question has never come up in my employment setting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to tell you, so many things went through my head from 'I will just lie on the application' to 'what will they think of me'.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My other fear was also possibly being denied insurance coverage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thinking about how I would answer the question encompassed my every thought for several days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, there was no way I could not be honest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My back was against the wall and I simply had to tell the truth about something that I have only had to share with family, close friends and sexual partners.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="Body1" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">As I thought about being authentic about this one thing that I <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">allowed</b> to hold me hostage I knew that I had to find it within myself to take my power back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to say that God has given me a voice by speaking to me in times such as this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once I stepped out of the way I hear Him say that I could not allow this virus to define me for I am more than this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The shame I may carry is not within me but placed at my feet by others and I have to choose not to pick it up and carry it. </span><span lang="en-US" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: #0400; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-language: X-NONE; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: #0400; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-31627306756962041112011-07-29T11:24:00.000-07:002011-07-29T11:24:55.212-07:00Cracked, Not Completely Closed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AGXBWQ_K-_Y/TjL5PVEtO8I/AAAAAAAAA00/8JUC9RihKvk/s1600/Closet+Door.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AGXBWQ_K-_Y/TjL5PVEtO8I/AAAAAAAAA00/8JUC9RihKvk/s1600/Closet+Door.jpg" /></a></div>T<span style="font-family: Calibri;">hree weeks ago I began a new working for a new employer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I am very secure in my skin…or at least I think I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Getting in the groove of learning new people and building new relationships has always been interesting but not difficult for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My new company is small (40 employees) and I have an executive position.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I do not walk around with this “I am the shit” attitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am just one of the staff…no airs, no pretense, just me.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The office setting is open for all of us regardless of position have are stationed in cubicles…so it is a very open office concept.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, today I was talking to a staff member that reports to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is going on vacation and I wanted to ensure that there was nothing pressing on his desk that I needed to know about before his departure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well this staff member asked me if I had any major plans for the weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my honesty I stated that I had to attend a meeting tomorrow (Saturday) morning for this organization I am involved in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The question I was not prepared for was “So what organization?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being the person I am I stated, “The Chicago Black Gay Men’s Caucus”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sure that took him by surprise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since the office is very open I am sure he is not the only one that heard my response.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my head I was saying…”Oh God what are they going to think”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again, while I am very comfortable with all of who I am I felt a slight ting of discomfort saying it out loud in an open office atmosphere. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While a little discomfort hit me I can’t allow my fellow employees possible discomfort to place me back in the proverbial closet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If I would have lied I would have had to either be very silent about who I am or simply lie daily about the real me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have lived an authentic life (family, church, previous employer, etc.) for over 18 years now; however, I know the coming out process is not a one-time thing I have had to do it numerous times over the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just last week I took a personality survey by answering 40 questions and the results were so dead-on about me that it was scary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My personality is one that enjoys people, dislikes people being uncomfortable and making things/situations alright.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Therefore, while I am comfortable in my response to my staff person I do not want him to feel uncomfortable in knowing who I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now is that my problem…no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nor should I be ashamed of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not want to feel as if I am smuggling drugs by hiding when my boyfriend drops me off at work and lean over to give him a kiss before exiting the car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think when we choose to lie and hide in that “closet” we rob others from knowing us and we shortchange them by thinking they will not be accepting of who we are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have to understand that individuals we encounter daily may have a family member that is same gender loving with whom they have a great relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In making that judgment or putting up that defense we make Or better yet, it could be a teachable moment for that person as well for they may have limited exposure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today, I am embracing this opportunity and moment to learn more about myself and grow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am thankful to God for this experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2525530903094362131.post-67766227838822714892011-06-26T18:00:00.000-07:002011-06-26T18:00:54.853-07:00Peace in the Midst of Adversity<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NlTq0r9CXxc/TgfVy4uMhII/AAAAAAAAA0s/KZa2REwjHSg/s1600/No+God.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NlTq0r9CXxc/TgfVy4uMhII/AAAAAAAAA0s/KZa2REwjHSg/s200/No+God.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can remember attending church as a child as far back as I can remember.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My earliest memory is that of laying my head on my grandmother’s lap in church at the age of about four and falling asleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My father was a Christian man and ensured that me and my four siblings attended church and worshipped every Sunday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was a foundation that I rely daily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There have been occasions when the Holy Spirit (God) has spoken to me to guide and warn me about various things in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God has also been there to check me when I have been wrong in my thinking or doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Several months ago God started speaking again as I faced a point in my career where I was not liking my job at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had begun to be a place full of stress and where I began to doubt my intellect based on the actions and opinions of others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Getting up and going to my place of employment after 17 ½ years began to become an extreme chore and days filled with stress, long hours and lost appetites.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The God I serve does not want His children to be unhappy in anything in their lives (employment, friendships or relationships). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God was speaking to me with warnings by telling me to start looking for another job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get your resume together and begin looking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With my unwillingness to change after 17 ½ years I kept putting the search off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Occasionally I would put my faith in the fact that I had a couple of good days and my hope would be that all was well and it was going to get better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, several days letter the stress would rear its ugly head again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In all that was going on I did not run from my faith in God and His promise was evident for He never left me or forsook me while I was being abstinent to change and His direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After several months I began to realize that I could no longer fight this battle and God gave me a peace in the midst of my personal storm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began to come to work and continued to give my best as I had before all of this turmoil began.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Per the teaching of my father I remembered that at the end of the day I have to remain my integrity even when times are tough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I accepted what God was saying to me and I began to do as instructed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I revised my resume as well as started searching for a new job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I will say that there was a real sense of fear and apprehension but I knew I could not continue down the path of stress as I had been for the past 4-5 months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God continued to speak to me through other people to let me know of adversity ahead through conversation with coworkers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He will use whomever whenever to get his message across.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A coworker gave me some insight to some things that he was made aware of which truly was a message from God which I determined was another message from God telling me that changes were pending very soon.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">On June 3<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">rd</span></sup>, I came to work as normal; however, little did I know that within hours of arriving at the office I had no idea that this would end my tenure with my employer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After attending a meeting, I came back to my office only to two members from HR on the floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At this time fellow employees began to talk about what was transpiring for several employees were being told that they were being laid off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went back to my office and printed off a document as I was retrieving it from the printer God told me to go back to my office and just sit down and be still.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Approximately five minutes later my boss came to my office stating that he needed to see me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I knew what was about to transpire I was totally at peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I was escorted into the office I was told that it would be my last day because the department was about to be reorganized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As I exited the building with what few personal belonging I had at the office I felt so at peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A peace that surpasses all understanding.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So many people could not understand how calm I was after just being laid off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What they failed to understand is that God had prepared me for this day for several months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a testimony that if you trust Him he will give you comfort and peace through any and every situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>Rhanw4560http://www.blogger.com/profile/03530275104068605461noreply@blogger.com0