Oprah for President, Wait Not So Fast

 

Last night Oprah made a moving and powerful acceptance speech as she was receiving her Cecile B, DeMille award at the 75^th annual Golden Globes Awards.  Oprah has never failed us for she is a great orator and quite intelligent.  She did not become a billionaire by being mediocre.  Oprah has always been a force for just her mention or endorsement can move any of people mostly women to support simply on her word.  Several years ago there was a phrase, the Oprah effect that was coined to address this phenomenon.  With just one mention from Oprah could take a company from mere obscurity to global recognition.    Oprah can impact and make more changes to improve the world as a private citizen than as a president.

After her soul stirring speech last night, many people have been hinting that she should run for president of the United States in 2020.  While she is stating that is not her desire John/Jane Q. Public is not having it.  They want her to run.  This unyielding desire to have her on the 2020 ballot has a lot to do with this countries disheartening feeling about the man that currently sits in the White House today.  We have been inundated with daily craziness and the people of this country want to change that by soliciting someone very familiar, loved, intelligent and caring…Oprah.  While I simply love her and hang on to most words that come from her lips I do not feel that president of the United States should be in her future.  This country needs to have someone that know politics and the political structure and process.  A political background is needed to understand the process to be completely successful.  While many of you will say that she can surround herself with intelligent people.  However, lack of experience for herself would be deterrent to effectiveness. 

One thing that has not been mentioned is the issue of support from the Black community.  Now let’s be honest, some in the Black community will not support her because they do not like that fact that her base support is from Caucasian women.   I can hear it now….”I wouldn’t vote for Oprah because she thinks she is white”.  As a race of people we want to call you ours and that is not possible if you’re always with elbowing with white folks.  We always want to hold people to a litmus test to determine just how black you really are.   Yes this is some of the most asinine shit I have ever heard but some of us do it.    Let’s not forget how much we celebrated Barack Obama on November 4, 2008, however, that celebration did not last long for we wanted him to want into the oval office and fix the ills of the black communities across this nation.  Once we determined that we had to share him with the rest of the country we were a little pissed and he was not doing things to “fix us”.  Mind you these were issues that had been in these communities for many years.  His biggest critics were from those within the Black community.  While Oprah is loved today the winds of celebration will turn quickly.    

It is time for this country to get back to basics.  Get a candidate that has been shaped and molded by the experience of being a politician.  I do not mean any disrespect to Oprah but choosing her to be our 2020 candidate would be taking the easy way out.  Raise up a candidate that we all can believe in and get behind and our voices and actions can be strong enough to pull him/her over the finish line.  I have faith in us but we have to stop trying to do it the easy way.  As my father once told me “nothing worth having is easy”.

 

Reflections - 2017

2017 was a very good year for me.  Personal growth was something I asked for and I received that.  Now it has not been a painless process but here I stand today a bit wiser, stronger and more aware. 

Where do I begin?  There are a couple of things that immediately come to mind when I think of 2017.  On February 10^th I received a call around 7:00 am informing me that my ex-partner and best friend had just been rushed to the hospital.  In that moment I wanted to stay calm and reassure his sister that everything was going to be okay.  Robert was going to make it through this.  As I hung up the phone I began to pray.  Later that evening I went to the hospital to visit Robert and what I saw made my heart drop.   He was hooked up to multiple machines and currently unconscious.  Now this was not my first time dealing with death of a close loved one, however, never to this degree.  I took a deep breath and entered the room.  Many things happen in the moment and they do not become clear until after you have emotionally settled down.  Here was this man I had known and loved since I was 18 years old.   Our lives were entwined for 38 years. The first 19 of which was as his partner and the last 19 as best friends.  I kept the faith but it did not look good.  My prayer was specific.  I asked God to take him if he could not restore him to at least 90% of the capacity that he was prior to the 10^th,   On February 14^th I received a text message from Keith (Robert’s ex-partner after our relationship) stating that when I got to the hospital that evening I should play some gospel music for him.  That evening after getting home I had decided that I was not going to drive to the hospital after working all day.  Robert was stable and nothing had really changed.  Well, as I was standing in my kitchen the voice of God said to me “you need to go to the hospital now”.  I have heard this voice a few times I my life and each time it was necessary to listen and do as instructed.  I did go to visit him and sat and talked with him for about an hour. While he was still unconscious I wanted him to know that I was there.  The following day at about 10:15 am I got a text from his niece telling me that they had just received a call from the hospital noting that there had been a change and they needed to get there.   At approximately 2:37 pm I was notified that Robert had made his transition.   I took solace in knowing that God answered my prayers and Robert was no longer struggling and suffering anymore.   His death has been painful on another level than that which I felt when my father and sister passed away but I am at peace.

At the end of 2015 I began counselling for several reasons.  One of which was to discover what was I doing wrong for my relationships were not sustaining.  What could I do better and different to make them work.  Anyone who has been in a relationship knows that loving someone is never an easy task.  There are many challenges in trying to make it work.  I set off on this self-discovery journey with no road map.  I just wanted it to allow myself to be open to the process and willing to hear all the good, bad and ugly about Ronald.  Facing it was the only way to change it.  I learned some very interesting things about myself that I did not recognize.  Currently, I am working daily to ensure that when I see the old me surfacing I try to recognize it and talk to myself about what I have learned to do instead.  I do not every think I will be totally changed but those things that I recognize I am changing or have already changed.  It is comforting to hear your friends say “you have changed”.  Even my ex noticed by saying “you are so different”.  That one hit me and I asked him to expound to which he replied “you are stronger” than when we dated.   What I did not tell him was that he was one of sparks that caused me to attend counselling.  I highly recommend counselling but you have to find a good therapist which can be difficult.  I as fortunate to find the person I did.  He came along just when I needed him and did not even know it. 

It is good to sit on the back end of 2017 and say to yourself that you live a good life.  My cousin gave me a dose of reality one day.  I posted on FB something about those that “have” (privileged lives and lifestyles) and how I wished that I was one them.  Well my cousin responded back to say that there are people that see me as one of the “haves” because I am always sitting in an airport flying off somewhere and at that moment I was shocked.  She made a very valid point.  What I have presented to the world is a very comfortable life and that it is but I never really recognized just how comfortable my life has been.  I like most of us deal with debt and struggles but the reality of the situation is that I life a good life.  Not extravagant or perfect but it is pretty darn good and I realize that I am blessed.

I did not do any major travel this year instead I stayed stateside and traveled to check on my friend.  He was diagnosed with cancer earlier in the year.  Actually he was the third person close to me that was diagnosed this year.  My response to that was that I have decided to capture life and not put off some things I had initially started to do later in life.  This was a clear sign to me to shift my focus.

Earlier in 2017 I went with a coworker to be in the audience of a television program (Windy City Live) here in Chicago.  We knew that the two lead actors from Power (Starz Network) was going to be the quest so we were able to get tickets.  They were doing two shows that day.  The actors from Power would be the live show and they were taping a show to appear the following day.  Well, the taped show included a card reader.  She was taking questions from the audience.  However, only women were asking the questions.  So one of the cohost noted the he wanted a question from a man.  He looked and me and so I stood and asked “Will I get married this year (2017)?”  She responded that I would get married by the end of the year.  Well 2017 has ended and I am not married…LOL.  I did not take it serious…kind of.  But it would have been cool if I had even met someone that was serious about dating but that did not happen either.  Good thing I did not pay for her reading.  I would have been a bit upset.

It is always good to look back and take inventory of your life from time to time.  I do so at various times throughout the year but definitely at the end of each year.  Reflection can be beneficial for it lets you see what blessing were bestowed upon up as well as hurdles you have encountered.  Hopefully the hurdles allowed you to recognize that God has always remained by your side as you pushed through.

I walk into 2018 with tiptoe expectations of what this year will bring me.  I know that God has some amazing things in store for me.

Kim Burrell - The Uncomfortable Applause

As a young boy growing up it was a requirement by my dad that all of his five children attend Sunday morning church service.    As a single parent there were things that my dad required and attending church was on the top of the list.   I enjoyed going to church as a boy for that was where I got to be with my maternal grandmother.    Big Mama was nurturing, loving and strong and I would fall asleep on her lap every Sunday.  The black Baptist church experience was amazing for it was where I fell in love with Christ.  However, as I got older I would hear various sermons, some more resonant in my memory than others.  I can’t remember when I heard my first sermon regarding what the ministers had determined as the ultimate sin, homosexuality.  As I got older and entered my teenage years I understood that these sermons were about me and how I felt for I began to discover that I was definitely not attracted to women.  My attention and affection was truly focused on the male species.  That time of my life was very confusing and difficult for I knew what I felt and it truly did not agree with what I was being taught.  God and I had many conversations about my feelings and he did not seem fit to “fix” me.   My teenage years were rough and life did not get any easier.  This struggle was real and I honestly saw no way to make my life better and contemplated ending it.  Not sure how I was going to do that but it was a thought on a few occasions.   

As I got older I had to come to the realization that if I was created by God in his image then he knew me and made me as I wanted.  While I had to listen to some family members  that did not agree with my sexuality I made the conscious decision to trust God and live as he had made me.  Once I made that choice, not easy, then I decided to go back to church but to one that did not use the pulpit to abuse you.  

A few days ago after hearing this sermon all those difficult nights of self-doubt and confusion seemed to flood my memories.   Once I heard about Kim Burrell’s demonstrative sermon I refused to give it any credit or exposure to the same old shit I have been hearing most of my life.  However, upon seeing the sermon and hearing the cheers and applause of those in attendance I began to think of how many people were in attendance that were like me.  Feeling totally ignored by God and misunderstood and told that they are surely going to hell for being who God made them to be.  Where does someone like that turn?  Who is going to love that young boy or girl without judgement to make them really feel special?    We will never know the long lasting internal emotional scars and lifelong damage those words will make on those struggling.  Will some of these individuals grow up to embrace all of who they are or will they go off to find ways to hide their sexuality by “adopting” to societal norms and pressure to appear to be heterosexual and living a life full of duplicity.   

I’ve wondered why ministers spew such hatred.  Why is safe sex relationships the only sin that gets major attention and such rousing support from so many in the church?  Have we in the LGBTQ communities made it very easy to be the Christian punching bag?   As these sermons are preached to such support the musical department of the church is being led by a gay man and those wonderful tenor voices are those of gay men.  We have been so conditioned to feel that this our lives have no value that we clap, sing and cheer.       

I think that some of the blame, if you will, can go to those LGBT individuals that sit is silence while the church continues to use the pulpit as a weapon.   It is amazing how some in LGBT community have come to Kim Burrell’s support.  Honestly at some point we have to understand the damage that is being done not only on this issue but several others that have been used to keep people in “their place”.  No one can convince me that this is of God.  The church has used the pulpit as a whipping post to damage so many people and at some point this has to stop.  I hope that the backlash that Kim Burrell has received is a testament that change in attitudes is on the horizon.

Wendy Williams = Ignorance

Today in the “Did This Heffa Really Just Say That?”category, I  read an article and watch a video reported on The Grio of talk show host, Wendy Williams.    She does a special segment of her talk show called “Hot topics” where she talks about current pop culture news items.   She has a reputation for being over the top and makes comments generating shock and awe.  She took to her program to comment on the acceptance speech of Jesse Williams where he espoused black people to be have an activist nature to demand respect in this country.   The annoying thing about her comments was where she made the following statements:   “I would be really offended if there was a school known as a historically white college.”  “What if there was a national organization for white people only?”  

I asked myself, how a black woman can make such asinine statements.  Now while I am not a big fan of her, I immediately thought of her comments as a fucking disgrace.   How can you be a black mother of a black young man (teenager) and not understand the meaning or history as to why we as black citizens of this country have HBCU’s and black organization such as the NAACP?   The very utterance of this statements pissed me the fuck off.  She is an embarrassment to everything I know and love about black women.  To let that shit fall from your lips just confirms how fucking stupid she is.  Maybe her breast implants are leaking and the silicone has traveled to her damn brain.  Regardless there is NO DAMN EXCUSE for this public bullshit. 

What is it that she does not get?  There is no reason or excuse for such ignorance.  I wish that Jesse Williams or Harry Belafonte or even Oprah would give this motherfucker a lesson in black history.    I see no reason to take time to note the obvious to correct her ignorance by explaining why there are HBCU’s as well as organization like the NAACP.

Recently there has been a petition being circulated on social media asking for Shonda or ABC to remove Jesse Williams from his role on Grey’s Anatomy.   However, I would like to propose that we start a petition to have the Wendy Williams Show cancelled removing her black ignorant ass from television???!!!

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity"  

                                                                                                               ----Martin Luther King, Jr.

I Too Sing America in the Aftermath of Orlando

The text message read: …He’s coming. I am going to die.   As a mother receiving this message how do you go on?  This was the coverage on the news this morning (one day after the shooting).  Immediately I began to cry because I could only imagine what they both (mother and son) were going through at that moment. 

Many times we are told “Life is short, make the most of each day”.  Nothing makes this statement ring home more than a national tragedy that takes your breath away.  As I typically do when I wake up on the weekend, I immediately turn on MSNBC to see what has been happening in the world.  On Sunday, I saw that there had been a shooting in Orlando, Florida.  I then picked up my mobile phone and started scrolling through my Facebook feeds only to find out that the shooting took place in a popular gay club.  I spent the bulk of my morning watching the news coverage and saw the fatality count grow from 20 to 50 in a matter of hours.  You just become numb.  I am not much of a club goer but when I do I go to enjoy myself with friends and this could have easily been me or someone I know and love. 

The LGBT community is hurting but most of all the parents, siblings, lovers and friends are hurting much more than any of us can imagine.  What started out for most of the victims as just another night of good times and celebrations of life during Pride month with those they love turned into a night of terror and for some death.  While this tragedy does not supersede or overshadow those in the past it is the first to be specifically target on our community.   Yet again it reminds us of the horror that paralyzes us to begin going down the list of “what ifs”.  We have become a country that is consumed with guns and this seems to be the way we settle our differences or deal with our own personal issues (emotional and mental).  We must change for we can’t go on like this.  Unfortunately in a few weeks man of us will go back to life as we knew it before the night of June 11^th.  The call for gun legislation will be suggested and those beholden to the NRA will fight against any regulations for it is the dance we have become accustomed to only to be a group full of sound and fury signifying nothing.

There are those that fuel hate within this country based on race, gender and sexual orientation and I want them to know that while this man had the gun the blood of each victim is on their hands as well.  You have stood on the public stage (pulpits, legislative offices, news outlets, etc.) spewing your hatred and venom on a group of people that you feel are less deserving and for that you are culpable.   You have played your part in throwing the rocks and bricks at those of us who you deem unworthy so you do not get to sit back comfortably.  You can deny your involvement as much as you want but the blood of each of those innocent individuals is forever on your hands and soak in the fiber of your being.

What kind of world have we become where a person’s “presumed” religious belief coupled with his personal dislike for people who love differently is an affront on him and his life as a human being?  When do I (Ronald Wadley) get to love and be loved without retribution, stares or distain from other people.   The fact that I show affection by hugging, touching or gently kissing my boyfriend in public should never be a reason for hatred.  When do I get to live out the dream of public love, laughter and affection with the man I love?  Is this a part of the dream of life long happiness that is only afforded those that are in opposite sex relationships?  This massacre has brought so many personal issues to the surface for me.  However, I have come to realize that the only way to get what I deserve is to take it.  I will not allow my “Dream (to be) Deferred” for “I Too Sing America”.

A Side Most Never See

Hello All,

This is a very personal blog because I am in a really interesting space in my life presently.  I feel a since of inner peace that I haven’t felt in a long time.  Now do not get me wrong I am not walking around with a fixated smile or humming melodic tunes all day.  However, it appears that parts of my world are coming into focus.  I think that this is a result of therapy/counseling and age.

I started seeing a therapist last year because I felt myself digging this proverbial hole for myself that I simply wanted to crawl in and let the word just go by.  For those of you that do not know me well may not know that my mother passed away when I was 2 years of age.  Her death is something I have never really reconciled because I never thought I had to for I have not one recollection of my mother.   However, I think about her on a daily basis.  My four older siblings have memories of our mother that they have shared.  I have never felt like the odd man out but I do feel as though I have been short changed. 

Another focus of my therapy was the intimate side of my life.  A little over a year ago I ended a relationship with a person that I loved very much.  The decision was not hasty but over time it had been thought out due to the various issues that we had encountered.  It was very evident after our last conversation during our relationship that he and I were in two different places and getting back on the same path was not going to happen.  I had done all I knew how to do and in doing so the end result was that it was not enough.  I had to end it regardless of the imminent pain.

So the breakup as well as the issues regarding my mother’s death was too much for me to handle.  Fortunately I was forging a new friendship with a therapist.  I asked him if he was taking on additional clients and we began the process of peeling back the layers of my life.

As we began the process of course I noted my reason for seeking therapy.  The first few months were a bit challenging because we discussed my mother.  It was evident that I was masking some pain and discomfort after several sessions.  Things I had no idea that were beneath the surface.   We finally came to the conclusion that my mother’s death left a hole in me that I could never close and one I had not dealt with.  During one of my sessions my therapist noted “do you realize that you always mention you mother in every session regardless of what we are talking about”.  I had no idea that I was doing that which was proof that there was something there that I really needed to address.  I can remember cleaning the house one evening and my mind began to go back to the most recent session. It was at that time that the pain set in regarding my mother’s absence.  The disappointment and despair hit me in the gut.  I had to stop cleaning and sit down because realizing that there was a hole in my soul that I will never be able to resolve was very difficult to acknowledge and accept.   That realization was one of the most difficult things I had to accept and deal with.  Now armed with this new information, the question was how I could move forward.  I can say that it has not been an easy process but it is better.  Over the months we discuss my mother delving into my inner most thoughts and it has been revealing even to me. 

The other part of my therapy process was geared around my inability to sustain an intimate relationship specifically my most recent one because the pain was still fresh.  This proved a bit more difficult because I just knew that the issue was not with me but with him.  Why couldn’t he just love me in return and not feel as if I was out to get him.  Ha, silly me.  I realized that loving someone and being there for them in a very giving manner can hamper that person from giving for the willingness to do so.    I also discovered that I can’t fix a broken person for that is a job only he can do.  Now do not get me wrong, I have my own shit to correct but I knew what love and loving someone encompassed. Through therapy I was able to look back on some clear signs that showed me that he was broken but I knew he had the capacity to love.  However, what I did not know is that he did not know how to love fully nor receive that which was being given freely. Vulnerability was a weakness to him and he was not going to be weak for me or anyone else.   I know that each of us deal with brokenness to some degree but trying to love someone that does not acknowledge and/or recognize it is dangerous for it is like kryptonite to Superman.  I look back and think of his actions, words and deep conversations and in 99% of them there was a sign that I neglected and/or was unwilling to see.  I became an enabler by not addressing the elephant in the room. My work on self is DAILY but what therapy has taught me is that there is no quick fix.  I now think about things and situations a lot more intently.  When I know that it does not look right the new me realizes that I can’t save you and I am enough.  This is my que to exit because it is not going to get any better. 

Today, I am still in therapy because for me this is an ongoing process.  I see a very distinct change in my relationship evaluation process.  The once constant giver is no longer there.  I give of myself because I want to and not because I think it will help you which in turn would make me feel accomplished.  Of all the things I have to work through, this is the most challenging. 

I can remember telling my cousin Kim with whom I have a close relationship that I had given up on ever getting married.  I have always been a staunch supporter of marriage equality and felt that now that I could marry someone legally I wanted it.  However, prior to therapy and after what I consider a very devastating loss and disappointment I resided that this was not going to be part of my future.  However, the one thing therapy has given me is the ability to hope again.   I am a work in progress but I have inner peace!!!

The Chicken's Have Come Home to Roost

Several days ago Donald Trump, who is presently seeking the republican nomination for President of the United States of America, was endorsed by David Duke.   David Duke is the head of the Klu Klux Klan, a white supremacy group with a long history of racist acts of violence in this country.  When asked about the endorsement by anchor Jake Tapper on the morning program State of the Union Donald Trump would not disavow the endorsement.  He stated “I have looked at that group.  I don’t know what group you are talking about.”  It took him approximately four days to disavow the endorsement.   Now either you’re an idiot or you are a panderer to groups like the KKK.   There is no way you could not know who of David Duke or the KKK and what they stood for.  This shows that there is no limit to what he will do to get support.

Today the Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, had a news conference noting that anyone that wants to be a nominee of the Republican Party they must reject any group that is built on bigotry.  Now you want to take the high road.  As I have always been told growing up “eventually the chickens will come home to roost”.   The Republican Party has created a platform for Donald Trump to spew hatred and bigotry the moment a black man entered the White House as President of the United States 7 years ago.   The party has continued to attack and disrespect President Obama in ways that are unimaginable.  This is the same party that had a backroom meeting the night of the 2008 election noting they were going to stop anything that the newly elected President would propose.

So now you see Trump building a huge base off of a culture you allowed to be created in response to your 7 years of disrespect.  You let your fellow republicans run wild and never speaking out on those things that were blatantly wrong.  Now you want to hold a news conference noting your shock and disappointment.  Sorry, you don’t get to play that card.   This is a monster you created and now you want to appear as if your hand are clean and sanitary.  No ma’am!!! 

“Chickens coming home to roost never did make me sad, they’ve always made me glad.”  Malcolm X