Marriage Equality in Black & White...or just White!

Recently, I was enroute to my office. While riding the train into the city I pulled my recent copy (August 2009) of The Advocate from my brief case and began reading an article on page 50 entitled “What Gives in Washington?” The article was basically noting the frustration the LGBT community has with the Obama administrations slow movement of repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) and Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), the federal law the defines marriage as being between and a man and woman. The article notes the there is rage in the community when it refers to the president’s progress. To be specific the article says “our rage”. When I read this I wondered what “our” they were refering to. For individuals that are not LGBT it is thought that we are one large group. However, there are several subgroups within the LGBT community. There is the community of color and the white community. When I read articles such as the one noted above the communities of color are not even a consideration.

If we look back to the initial Proposition 8 battle ground it has been successfully documented that while it was initially convenient to blame LGBT people of color, expressly the African American community, for the failure of successfully voting NO to Proposition 8. Based on the initial statistics many white LGBT men and women began blaming black and brown men and women for the passing of Proposition 8. When research was done beyond the statistics it was discovered that the “community” failed to look closely at all of the communities of color (LGBT and heterosexual) and attempt to educate them on the need to vote NO. Once again, the white LGBT community had taken communities of color for granted. To any LGBT person of color in any city this is nothing new at all. We have always been made to feel unwanted from north Halsted Street (Boystown) in Chicago with the new Center on Halsted to the Castro District in San Francisco.

In the overall landscape of the marriage equality struggle, the communities of color have been all but absent. When I see an LGBT man or woman getting married their partner does not look like me and therefore, there is a since of extreme disconnect because it does not affirm my relationship with my partner who happens to be African American. The white community does not understand that dynamic in the debate of marriage equality nor have many of them tried to ascertain why the issue of marriage equality does not seem to be anywhere on our radar screen.

It would benefit those that in the marriage equality fight to review the 2000 census, which states that more than half of the populations of Black same-sex couples in the U.S., are raising children.

· Black female same sex couples are as likely as Black married opposite sex couples to live with a nonbiological (foster or adopted) child (14%) while Black male same-sex couples are slightly less likely than Black married opposite-sex couples to live with a nonbiological child (10% v 13%).
· Black women in same-sex households parent at almost the same rate as Black married opposite-sex couples (61% v 69%), while Black men in same-sex relationships parent at about two-thirds the rate of married opposite-sex couples (46% v 69%)

Black women are discharged from the military under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell at rates far exceeding their representation among service members; although they make up less than one percent of the military, they represent three percent of those discharged.

When it comes to the progress or what is defined as the slow movement of the president’s progress we as African Americans look at it very differently. The LGBT communities of color see the steps that Obama has taken in his short 6 month term in a manner that is less about his progress on LGBT matters but his progress a the President of the United States. It must clearly be understood that the agenda of the LGBT community of color and that of the white LGBT community is different. It has been stated to me and the basic sentiment in the Black LGBT community that if DADT and DOMA were repealed tomorrow the white community would not be on the battlefield for issues that matter in our community (i.e. HIV/AIDS prevention, joblessness, homeless teens, etc). We have not even tackled the issue of racism within the LGBT community.

It is my hope that the DADT and DOMA are repealed and I will do what I can to see that it happens, however, the advocates that are in the forefront must reach out to people of color for it is important for us all to cross the finish line together.

Michael Jackson...Forgiveness

There is one thing that we all have in common and that is the fact that we were all put on this earth for a limited time. I was reminded of that with the recent death of Michael Jackson. Hearing of his passing saddened me for I truly was looking forward to him performing those 50 concert dates and silencing his critics. It is a shame that in his death we have decided to embrace him and give him the love he so desired from us as his fans while he was living. The press found it financially rewarding to chisel away at the pedestal that they placed him on only to see that he was human and had feelings. While it was widely reported that he did some things that most of us would consider strange or awkward what was never reported was his brilliance as a business man. He was not just a great performer but an excellent business man. To have purchased a huge publishing catalog (unheard of in the music industry for that is where the wealth is built) spoke volumes for just how intelligent he was in business. I do feel that finally Michael Jackson can truly rest for he did not have the peace on earth that he deserved.

Growing up I never wanted to be Michael Jackson or emulated his moves on the stage. However, I did marvel at his talents and tried never to miss any of his television performances. His death left me with a sad feeling for from where I sat I felt he only wanted the world to embrace him, however, all that we did in North America was celebrate his reported strange behavior. Death can be unexpected or should I say untimely as we see it. However, I submit to you that you should not allow any harsh feelings to make their home in your heart for in the blink of an eye you or that person whom you have not forgiven will be gone. You will look back and think of how small the issue was that caused the harsh feelings.

As I close I will share this personal experience with you. One year my then partner and I were having a rough time in our relationship. His niece was graduating from Xavier University in New Orleans so we along with his sister and nephew got in the truck and started our drive from Chicago (approximately 14 hours). Well, I was still a bit bitter about something that had been done to me and while I loved him I was rather salty and unforgiving. If any of you have driven to NO you will know that there is this long bridge that goes over a body of water that you have to go over as you approach the city. Prior to approaching the bridge I turned the driving over to my partner. Well, as I set in the back seat behind him as he drove us in I was looking out of the window into a clear but dark sky. Everyone was quiet and clearly the voice of God spoke to me and said “You should forgive him for I have forgiven you”. I immediately sat up and was struck with an overwhelming feeling that has stayed with me now some 12 years later. I have never forgotten the message or the lesson. I am never too big or bold to admit my humanness and mistakes. Do not allow time to catch you in an unforgiving moment. God is watching.

Alive and Well

It has been almost 30 days since the 44th President of the United States took the oath of office. It is a day that I like most every other American especially those of color will remember for a life time. While we, the American people have decided to vote a man of African heritage into the highest most powerful office on this planet we as a country still battle with the issue of racism in varying degrees. Racism is a noun and defined on Dictionary.com as “a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one’s own race is superior and has the right to rule others”.

As I watched the news reporters interview various African-American citizens they all seemed to have the same response of exuberance and comments of “now we have arrived”. While I too am overjoyed and very proud of the fact that we now have an African-American President I do not believe we are close to overcoming. Racism is woven into the fiber of this country and we will only do ourselves severe harm by thinking that all of that has changed at this point and time. This is the same country that tortured my ancestors making them “strange fruit” hanging from 100 year old magnolia trees. As a country we do not have to look back to far to see that racism is not on life support but whose heart is beating with the vigor of a marathon runner. On June 7, 1998, James Byrd of Jasper, Texas accepted a ride from three white men one of which he knew. They took a chain wrapped it around his ankles stripped him naked and pulled him behind their fast moving pickup truck until he was decapitated. Police found 75 pieces of his body over the road. Okay maybe you are thinking that was over 10 years ago. In January 2009, a bakery in the Greenwich neighborhood in New York City was selling “Drunken Negro” cookies. The bake shop owner even had the audacity to say that he was doing this in honor of the 44th President of this country. In his response during an interview with a report he felt there was nothing wrong with this item being sold in his store.

Harrison, Arkansas is a town where some whites have decided to retire particularly because there are no blacks. Harrison is just an example of white a few cities in this country where the Klan flourishes because the racist attitudes have allowed then to exist comfortably. The Blacks that once lived there were run out of town.

We must not allow ourselves get so overwhelmed with the pride we feel in regard to the election that we forget about the history of this country and the hundreds of people of color that are behind bars because of the color of their skin. Racial profiling all over this country did not cease at 11:59 p.m. on January 19th. While progress has been made we must continue to fight until every brick to that proverbial wall of racism has been torn down. It is incumbent upon each of us to make this country a better place by having open and honest dialogue about race and recognizing our own racial bigotry. The conversation will bring about education and awareness for all of us. If nothing else we have the power to make a difference and we must seize that power to make it a reality.