2017 was a very good year for me. Personal growth was something I asked for and
I received that. Now it has not been a
painless process but here I stand today a bit wiser, stronger and more
aware.
Where do I begin? There
are a couple of things that immediately come to mind when I think of 2017. On February 10th I received a call
around 7:00 am informing me that my ex-partner and best friend had just been
rushed to the hospital. In that moment I
wanted to stay calm and reassure his sister that everything was going to be
okay. Robert was going to make it
through this. As I hung up the phone I
began to pray. Later that evening I went
to the hospital to visit Robert and what I saw made my heart drop. He was hooked up to multiple machines and
currently unconscious. Now this was not
my first time dealing with death of a close loved one, however, never to this
degree. I took a deep breath and entered
the room. Many things happen in the
moment and they do not become clear until after you have emotionally settled
down. Here was this man I had known and
loved since I was 18 years old. Our lives
were entwined for 38 years. The first 19 of which was as his partner and the
last 19 as best friends. I kept the
faith but it did not look good. My
prayer was specific. I asked God to take
him if he could not restore him to at least 90% of the capacity that he was
prior to the 10th, On
February 14th I received a text message from Keith (Robert’s
ex-partner after our relationship) stating that when I got to the hospital that
evening I should play some gospel music for him. That evening after getting home I had decided
that I was not going to drive to the hospital after working all day. Robert was stable and nothing had really
changed. Well, as I was standing in my
kitchen the voice of God said to me “you need to go to the hospital now”. I have heard this voice a few times I my life
and each time it was necessary to listen and do as instructed. I did go to visit him and sat and talked with
him for about an hour. While he was still unconscious I wanted him to know that
I was there. The following day at about
10:15 am I got a text from his niece telling me that they had just received a
call from the hospital noting that there had been a change and they needed to
get there. At approximately 2:37 pm I
was notified that Robert had made his transition. I took solace in knowing that God answered my
prayers and Robert was no longer struggling and suffering anymore. His
death has been painful on another level than that which I felt when my father
and sister passed away but I am at peace.
At the end of 2015 I began counselling for several
reasons. One of which was to discover
what was I doing wrong for my relationships were not sustaining. What could I do better and different to make
them work. Anyone who has been in a
relationship knows that loving someone is never an easy task. There are many challenges in trying to make
it work. I set off on this self-discovery
journey with no road map. I just wanted
it to allow myself to be open to the process and willing to hear all the good,
bad and ugly about Ronald. Facing it was
the only way to change it. I learned
some very interesting things about myself that I did not recognize. Currently, I am working daily to ensure that
when I see the old me surfacing I try to recognize it and talk to myself about
what I have learned to do instead. I do
not every think I will be totally changed but those things that I recognize I
am changing or have already changed. It
is comforting to hear your friends say “you have changed”. Even my ex noticed by saying “you are so
different”. That one hit me and I asked
him to expound to which he replied “you are stronger” than when we dated. What I did not tell him was that he was one
of sparks that caused me to attend counselling.
I highly recommend counselling but you have to find a good therapist
which can be difficult. I as fortunate
to find the person I did. He came along
just when I needed him and did not even know it.
It is good to sit on the back end of 2017 and say to
yourself that you live a good life. My
cousin gave me a dose of reality one day.
I posted on FB something about those that “have” (privileged lives and
lifestyles) and how I wished that I was one them. Well my cousin responded back to say that
there are people that see me as one of the “haves” because I am always sitting
in an airport flying off somewhere and at that moment I was shocked. She made a very valid point. What I have presented to the world is a very
comfortable life and that it is but I never really recognized just how
comfortable my life has been. I like
most of us deal with debt and struggles but the reality of the situation is
that I life a good life. Not extravagant
or perfect but it is pretty darn good and I realize that I am blessed.
I did not do any major travel this year instead I stayed
stateside and traveled to check on my friend.
He was diagnosed with cancer earlier in the year. Actually he was the third person close to me
that was diagnosed this year. My
response to that was that I have decided to capture life and not put off some things
I had initially started to do later in life.
This was a clear sign to me to shift my focus.
Earlier in 2017 I went with a coworker to be in the audience
of a television program (Windy City Live) here in Chicago. We knew that the two lead actors from Power
(Starz Network) was going to be the quest so we were able to get tickets. They were doing two shows that day. The actors from Power would be the live show
and they were taping a show to appear the following day. Well, the taped show included a card
reader. She was taking questions from
the audience. However, only women were
asking the questions. So one of the
cohost noted the he wanted a question from a man. He looked and me and so I stood and asked “Will
I get married this year (2017)?” She
responded that I would get married by the end of the year. Well 2017 has ended and I am not married…LOL. I did not take it serious…kind of. But it would have been cool if I had even met
someone that was serious about dating but that did not happen either. Good thing I did not pay for her reading. I would have been a bit upset.
It is always good to look back and take inventory of your
life from time to time. I do so at
various times throughout the year but definitely at the end of each year. Reflection can be beneficial for it lets you
see what blessing were bestowed upon up as well as hurdles you have
encountered. Hopefully the hurdles
allowed you to recognize that God has always remained by your side as you
pushed through.
I walk into 2018 with tiptoe expectations of what this year
will bring me. I know that God has some
amazing things in store for me.
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